Bell Bottom Blues
by Princess Lo
Summary: Drake and Josh are in love, both with their girls and each other, and their parents are none too happy. It's tearing Drake apart that Josh won't spend time with him, so he takes matters into his own hands. Drake/Josh
1. Just So Josh Knows

_****_

Bell Bottom Blues

**Author**: hell's lil angel13

**Summary**: Drake and Josh are in love, both with their girls and each other, and their parents are none too happy. It's tearing Drake apart that Josh won't spend time with him, so he takes matters into his own hands. Drake/Josh

**Disclaimer**: Don't own anything, as I am in no way affiliated with Dan Schneider or Derek and the Dominos, who own the song title

**Warnings**: Slash in the nerd and brother variety, swearing, some teenage angst, underage drinking

**A/N: This is my first slash fic that isn't a oneshot! Be proud, I know I am! This is kinda an angsty yet fluffy story about parents' disproval of their children's love. Like Romeo and Juliet...or, Romeo and Romeo I guess. Set post-series in their senior year. ****Also, the song at the end called 'Hey Hey What Can I Do' belongs to Led Zeppelin, who is also not me.**

_**Just So Josh Knows**_

_I shouldn't love you but I want to  
I just can't turn away  
I shouldn't see you but I can't move  
I can't look away_

_And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not  
'cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop_

* * *

_Know what I'm thinking about right now?_

The messily folded piece of paper landed on Josh's desk, startling him. From the uneven edges and the messy scrawl on the inside, Josh knew who it was from and immediately felt a wave of half-anger and half-excitement wash over him. When he read what was on the page, however, all he felt suddenly was anger. As Mrs. Hayfer talked about the symbolism in The Scarlet Letter, he fished around his backpack for a pen.

_That girl you made out with last night? Or did you fuck her, too? _He wrote back bitterly and sent the paper flying behind his shoulder to the desk behind him where his stepbrother sat, half asleep.

_Come on man, I said I was sorry about that._ Josh could almost feel the desperation coming through Drake's words as he read them. But he was still angry and that made him overlook his other emotions for once.

_You did fuck her, didn't you?_

Josh didn't swear much. He hardly ever said anything worse than damn when he did swear, too. When Drake read the note he sent and realized that Josh not only swore twice, but the fact that it was an F-bomb both times told him just how pissed Joshie must be. And, once again, it was because of Drake that Josh was upset. But, Drake was happy that he could be honest here with Josh.

_No_, he wrote back, _I didn't. Second base and that's it, I swear._

_Okay._

_Come on, Joshie, you're still mad at me. Please forgive me, she didn't mean anything, honest._ Drake wished he could convey all his feelings and meaning in the note like he could in his music and guitar. He wanted to tell Josh that he was sorry and that he'd never even _look_ at another girl, let alone sleep with one, because they were not what he wanted. He wanted Josh and only Josh. But, Drake was not who Josh wanted, why would he? Drake was a fuck-up, a right dirty bastard, and a man whore. No one would ever take Drake seriously and no one would want him long-term. Josh only put up with him because he had to as his roommate. But as soon as Josh left for college, he'd dump Drake and there would be no looking back.

_And you think that makes it much better? You're using them Drake!_ Josh wrote back so angrily, he cut a hole in the paper. Drake knew he was upset now but he couldn't do anything about it while Mrs. Hayfer was still teaching them.

_I'm using them only until you and I figure all this out._ Josh quickly crossed out 'figure all this' so no one would know what they were talking about had the note fallen into the wrong hands, which had happened before. It was subtle this time, but he didn't want to take the risk either way.

_That's not the point Drake._ He felt like he was trying to explain calculus to a seven-year-old. You had to break things down to such tiny parts and it takes forever for them to get it. Even Josh didn't have enough patience for _that._ But Drake, while people always thought he pushed Josh's patience level to extremes, actually made Josh just a bit more patient.

_Then what __is__ the point Josh? Please tell me what's wrong!_

_I dunno if I should say it here. What if it falls into the wrong hands?_

_It won't, I'll keep it safe just like all the other ones. Now please tell me so I can fix it. I'm begging you, Joshie!_ Josh knew it was a lie that Drake kept all their notes safe. True, he kept most of them safe in a shoebox under his bed that had all his mementos and gifts, and things that reminded him of Josh, but there were some slip-ups.

Josh was actually the reason Drake kept the shoebox. Senior year was over in just over a week and Drake knew that meant that Josh would be leaving for college in the fall. He had already applied to what seemed to Drake like hundreds and got accepted into almost all of them. Many of them are hundreds or even thousands of miles away. And Josh was actually _considering_ them! Like Fordham School of Law or Columbia, in fuckin _New York City_! So, Drake started making a box for all the memories he and Josh would share together before Josh leaves to start his own life without Drake.

Josh sighed and started to write his explanation. _I just feel like you're using these girls because you're confused. You're using them so you can feel like a man or something. Sometimes I just wonder if you're just using me, too and some day you're gonna get tired of me and kick me to the curb like all the other faceless girls in your life. How do I know I'm not just some little experiment to you?_

_What??? Josh, do you really think I would do that? I could never do that to you! You're my brother, my best friend, everything I do, while you may not think so, has you in mind somehow._

Josh almost visibly jumped at this. He didn't know if he could believe that, but something told him it was true. He started to think about all the things Drake had done and realized that he should have known that a long time ago. Whenever Drake got concert tickets, he always made sure to get one for Josh, too. He would always show Josh his gifts first like his autographed Beatles album or the CD Paul McCartney signed for him when he went to his show and actually cried at.

But still, he didn't know if it would always be this way between them and it scared him. _You say that now, but what about later? Things can change Drake and other guys can come into your life._ He heard Drake sigh when he tossed it back over, then laugh quietly. Josh couldn't keep the smile off his face whenever he saw Drake smile or laugh, or just saw Drake in general.

_Guys? I'm not gay Josh, guys won't be the problem._

_I know that, but you're not straight either._

Drake wished he could write the truth down on the paper, but even that was too risky. If someone saw it, they'd both be ruined and he couldn't say it to Josh, even. He'd never said this to anyone before, except maybe once or twice to a family member, but even that was rare. He was afraid that Josh wouldn't react well and he couldn't deal with that. So he lied and wrote, _Sure I am. I love girls and only girls._ He wished he didn't have to say that and could say what he really felt. But that just wasn't going to happen.

_Everyone knows that dude._ And that right there was why Josh couldn't handle breaking up with Mindy. He needed some sort of escape when his feelings became too much and he just couldn't take it anymore. It would never happen, and he came to accept that, no matter how much it hurt.

They both knew what they were up against. When the student body found out about Craig and Eric the year before, the nerds were never able to live it down. Everyone was ragging on them and calling them horrible names and picking on them even worse than before, when they were nerds and not gay nerds. Josh, and therefore Drake, stayed by the two, but Craig and Eric were wrecked. And that was just because they were gay. Drake and Josh? They were in a whole other ballpark.

Drake didn't write back to that. He put the note in his backpack pocket where he kept all his other notes from Josh before they went into the box. He was about to draw another picture of Mrs. Hayfer, this time being mauled by a giant chili pepper, when he saw Mindy toss a note onto Josh's desk.

Drake never hated anyone more than he hated Mindy Crenshaw. She was an evil, conniving little bitch, a different kind of evil than Megan and he couldn't stand it. At first he only hated her because she tried to get him suspended by framing him for pulling the prank on Mrs. Hayfer. But then she started to date Josh and he started to hate her even more.

Mindy was wedging herself between Drake and Josh and was slowly pushing herself closer to Josh and pushing Josh farther from Drake. Mindy was taking up all of Josh's time, the time he usually spent with Drake playing video games or just hanging out. Drake smiled when he remembered a time when Josh blew him off to study with Mindy at their place.

"_Drake, Mindy is soaking wet and you're holding a hose! Explain!" Josh had yelled when Drake finally stopped laughing._

"_She looked a little hot, so I thought she'd want me to help her cool down a bit," Drake said innocently, trying to make his eyes as big as they could. He could usually get Josh to melt if he got the look just right and Josh would be swept into his huge brown eyes._

"_Drake," Josh said in his exasperated tone. Mindy stood next to him with a towel around her shoulders, glaring daggers at Drake. He just smiled back at her as if they were old friends. "Come on Drake, can't you just be nice to her? She's my girlfriend and I happen to like her!"_

"_Well, I can't like her!" Drake yelled back, the two of them completely forgetting that Mindy was standing right there._

"_What do you mean you _can't_? Why can't you?" Josh yelled back angrily._

_Drake turned to Mindy and instead yelled in her face, "Because you're breaking up the band, Yoko!"_

Drake liked to think of him and Josh as a sort of Beatles-esque persona. He could be John Lennon while Josh was more like a Paul McCartney type. Drake wasn't sure why they were those two, but that's just how he always thought of them. And there was Mindy, playing Yoko and totally messing with them and tearing them apart. He hated it with a burning passion. He wished he could see what she and Josh were talking about.

_I love you!_ Mindy sent to Josh. It took him a moment to realize the handwriting was tiny, neat, and girly, not messy, chicken-scratched and a grammar disaster like Drake's. He almost wished it was Drake's.

_Zomg, is Mindy Crenshaw passing notes instead of listening? *Gasp!* I'm shocked!_

_I can multitask, can't I?_ Josh smiled, but it was more forced than when he was smiling with Drake. He wished he didn't have to feel this way that Mindy could be the one he loves. She should be, she's awesome, but there was just something missing.

_Haha, I suppose._

_Do you want to hang out and do something this weekend?_

_I dunno about this weekend._ This was coming up more and more lately. Mindy would ask him if he wanted to hang out and study or see a movie or go to a museum somewhere and Josh was always cancelling at the last minute. Mostly, Drake was the reason for the cancellations. Drake had a gig he needed Josh at, Drake and him got grounded again, it was Bad Movie Tuesday Night with Drake and he never broke that date—except when he was done, but that doesn't count—or Drake had already asked him to hang out. Josh hated how he never felt bad to be cancelling Mindy for Drake, but it just seemed that he had more fun with Drake than he did with Mindy.

Him and Drake, they were different. They had their inside jokes and their little jabs at one another that if others heard, they'd think the boys were really insulting each other. They had their play fights and their wrestling matches and their girly little slap fights. They had their prolonged touches and the secret glances at one another, complete with meaningful head twitches and eye blinking. He and Drake just had something he and Mindy could never come close to having, and Josh felt terrible that he didn't mind one bit.

_You alright? What happened between you and Drake this time?_ Everybody knows. Drake and Josh could not keep their friendship a secret; not that that was what needed to be secret. Whenever Drake was sad, the first question was always what Josh was mad at him for; Josh was fuming and people ask what Drake did; the two of them were smiling and people just _know_ that the two of them did something incredibly stupid.

_What makes you think there's something between me and Drake?_ It was subtle, but still there. The question could be taken in many different ways, but Josh knew that Mindy would take it the way he wanted her to. Even Mindy would never know about him and Drake...since there was nothing between them anyway.

_Because I know you. Now tell me, maybe I can help._

Josh decided not to lie to her. No, he was definitely not going to tell her the whole truth, but he couldn't lie to her, even on paper. _It's nothing, really. Just an argument. No big deal. So, I'm sorry I can't see you this weekend._

_It's alright. Are you sure everything's fine, though?_ She was much pushier than Drake. Drake would give up and believe Josh when he said he was fine. The only problem was when Drake asked him, Josh wanted him to keep prodding and pushing until Josh cracked.

_Yeah, I'm sure. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. :-)_

Mindy looked over at him and gave him a small smile. They nodded back to one another and Mindy went back to taking notes as Mrs. Hayfer spoke. Josh already knew most of what she was talking about and whatever he didn't know he could get the notes on from Craig or Eric. But, he had nothing else to do but take notes, so he started with a fresh piece of paper.

Drake had finished two pictures of Mrs. Hayfer: one of her being chased by a giant chili pepper and one of her getting sucked into a black hole by this time. He then noticed that Josh was taking notes again, so he was done talking to Crenshaw the Creature.

_You know, you're one of those hippo things!_

Josh looked confused as he fished Drake's next note out of his hood. _Hippo things?_

_You know, the people who say something is wrong, but then they do it themselves?_

_Do you mean hypocrite? How am I a hypocrite?_ Josh made it look like he was casually stretching as he dropped the note on his brother's desk. Mrs. Hayfer was giving him, well Drake, a half-suspicious look, but Drake just sat there looking bored and uninterested as usual. Once she turned her back to them, the boys went back to their note-passing.

_Mindy! You say I'm wrong for kissing girls, but there you are, kissing Mindy!_ Josh was crossing out Mindy's name when the wish to cross her out of his life came into his mind. He had no idea why that came then, but it took quite a few head twitches to make it go away.

_Drake, she's my GIRLFRIEND, I'm supposed to kiss her. Your's are just sluts you use for a couple hours._

_Still, I don't like seeing you with Mindy all the time._

_Oh, but I just __LOVE__ seeing you macking on every girl in San Diego! This is just how it has to be for now._

Drake bit his lip as he wrote. _Is it always gonna be this way? Girls always coming between us, people always coming into our lives and making each other jealous?_

_I don't know. I wish I could say no, but I have a feeling the answer is yes._

Drake kicked at Josh's desk in front of him, earning a glare from both him and Mrs. Hayfer. He smiled sheepishly. He hadn't actually meant to kick Josh's desk, he was just annoyed. _Sorry bout that. Dammit, I hate this Joshie! It really fuckin sucks._

_I know bud, I know. I hate it, too. But what are we gonna do, huh?_ Drake didn't have an answer to that. He wished he could just say that he would stop dating girls, Josh would dump Mindy, they would tell their parents, and everyone would be okay. But Drake knew that was just not gonna happen any time soon. He shook his head sadly and put the note in his backpack, too.

_Wanna tell you bout the guy I love,_

_My, he looks so fiiine_

_I wanna tell he's the only one that I've been dreamin of,_

_Maybe someday he will be all mine!_

Drake wrote on his notes absentmindedly. He took down some of what Mrs. Hayfer was saying, only because he was very distracted and she was talking so damn loud. He didn't realize until after he wrote the first part that he had been quoting Dread Grepling lyrics.

_I wanna tell him that I love him so,_

_That I thrill with his every touch_

_I need to tell him he's the only one I really looove._

Josh! Those were not exactly the lyrics; Drake noticed that he had changed the gender of the person the song was about and was shocked to realize he was writing about Josh. He needed to tell Josh that he loved him, that Josh was the only one he really loved. But just look at what happened to Randy Palm. His woman was a hooker. At least Josh wasn't 'ballin all day.' Or, at least Drake _hoped_ he wasn't. No, Drake decided quickly, Josh wasn't like that. That was something Drake would do if he rolled that way, which he most certainly didn't, he was Drake Parker after all. But Josh Nichols would never do that, whether he was gay or not, he just wasn't that kinda guy.

The bell for the end of lunch period rang loud and Drake grudgingly got up, swinging his backpack over his shoulder and started for his pre-Calc class upstairs. He hadn't seen Josh since English that morning and he was suddenly craving a hug. He didn't get why he got these urges sometimes, they just came and he couldn't get over them until he had Josh's strong arms wrapped around him and making him feel warm and safe.

His phone vibrated him his pocket as he rounded another corner. _One new message: Josh._ He opened it and read, _Hey, what class r u in?_

_Going 2 pre-Calc, ugh!_

Within a few seconds, another message came in. _Wanna ditch?_

Drake swallowed his gum. _U__ wanna ditch a class? What do u have, study hall?_

_Nope, History. You're a bad influence on me, Drake Parker. :-P_

_Haha. Meet me by my locker, 5 min._ With that, Drake went back the way he came and made it to his locker, where Josh was coming from the other side of the hallway. Drake looked all around them and quickly pulled Josh down to him, grabbing his lips into a quick kiss. He smiled, Josh tasted so much different than that girl from yesterday. What was her name again? He couldn't remember, all he remembered was she tasted like cherry lip gloss and faintly minty. As he pushed Josh up against the lockers as silently as he could, he liked that Josh tasted like root beer and chocolate pudding so much better.


	2. The Boy I Love

**A/N: Alright, chapter two! This title also does not belong to me, although I changed the pronouns a bit. Led Zeppelin owns it as 'The Girl I Love She Got Long Black Wavy Hair' and I only changed it to keep the story where it should be.**

_**The Boy I Love He Got Long Black Wavy Hair**_

_The girl I love, yeah, she got long black wavy hair,  
Ah yeah,  
Her mother and her father, Lordy,  
They sure don't, sure don't allow me there_

* * *

Drake threaded his fingers through the long hair under his hands. It was silky and soft and the first thing he noticed that day when he walked into the Premier. He felt the lips hot, wet, and parted slightly, matching his own almost perfectly, although his were a bit thinner.

Drake let his hands drop lower and rest on a pair of even, jean-clad hips. He hooks his fingers through the belt loops and deepens the kiss. He tastes the fresh mocha cola on the tongue he's wrestling with and something that tastes like coconut macaroons. And suddenly he's jolted back into reality.

For the past ten minutes, he'd been making out. For the last five of them, Drake completely forgot who it was with. He was lucky he didn't start moaning Josh's name into this girl's mouth. That would've been awkward. The girl sitting in front of him had thick blonde curls framing her face and hazel eyes. She had a few freckles under her left eye and a cute nose. All in all, she was hot, but not who Drake thought he had been running his hands all over for the last ten minutes.

He excused himself to go to the bathroom and tried to shake the image out of his head. He had thought he was threading his fingers through Josh's soft curls, but now that he thinks about it, Josh's hair is much softer than the girl's actually is. He should've known a while ago when he tasted the mocha cola, since Josh only drinks diet or their mix of root beer and Dr. Fizz. But, it was the macaroons that stopped him. He stopped when he realized that it was indeed coconuts that he tasted, and Josh hates coconuts.

When he had opened his eyes, he didn't see Josh's perfect, amazing green eyes that Drake always got lost in, but instead just a couple of hazel ones. He was disappointed he wasn't with Josh, not to mention ashamed that he thought he would be. They were in a movie theatre, a public place where any one of their classmates could see them. He and Josh would never come there to make out.

He missed Josh, he'd admit that now. No matter how much they kissed at home or cuddled on the couch through the night, it wasn't the same. Josh was seen in public kissing Mindy and holding hands with her. Sure, he hugged Drake in public, but those were few and far between. Drake wanted him to be seen with Josh in public instead of Mindy.

He stared at himself in the mirror for a long time, how long exactly he didn't know, but he finally came to a few decisions. One, no more lies to Josh about the girls he's seeing; two, no more dating girls just for the hell of it; and three, he's finally going to make a commitment to Josh, completely and totally give himself to Josh. Josh was like Eric to his Craig, and if those two nerds could do it and get on with their lives, so could they. Because he finally realized it now, there was no one else for him than that goofy, dorky, giant-headed, bumbling fool.

The realization hit him hard in the gut, nearly knocking the wind out of him. He had absolutely no idea where that thought came from, he swears. Yes, he loves Josh, he knows he loves Josh, he's always loved Josh. Ever since he and Josh became brothers...well, more like ever since Josh fought Buck, Drake knew he loved his new brother. But, that was nothing weird, everyone loves their siblings and their family.

So, Drake wonders, when did his love for Josh become less brotherly? He knows that what he and Josh have been doing for the past few months is not something brothers do normally. Sure, brothers hug each other occasionally, but Drake knew that brothers didn't normally hug at every chance they got or steal secret glances at one another when others aren't looking. They probably don't pass notes in class as much as Drake and Josh do. Trevor probably didn't slowly walk his fingers up Scottie's knee towards his crotch under the dinner table like Drake did to Josh. Drake highly doubted that Scottie let Trevor have half of his churro when he has part of it still in his mouth. And most importantly, Drake is pretty sure that Trevor and Scottie, and all other siblings he knows, do _not_ make out with their brothers in the comfort of their own rooms.

Drake is straight, he knows he is, and he knows Josh is too. Besides Devon Malone, and that's a special case, Drake has never been attracted to another guy and Josh has never looked at guys before. But, when it came to Josh, it was something so different with Drake, he couldn't explain it. Josh made him question everything about himself, but made him not have to think about anything at the same time.

"Well," Drake said to himself, "if you can't beat em, join em, right?" He didn't care anymore what other people thought. Let them think what they want, that's what people do. But, he was finally ready to make a commitment to someone, so he didn't think about anything else. But he'd have to do a few things before getting to Josh. Like, break up with...that girl he's on a date with.

He went back to their table and smiled to himself. She was wearing a necklace with her name on it. Cindy, he knew that. "So, I think I'm gonna have to call it quits for the day. I have to get home."

"So soon?" she said in that high pitched cheerleader voice that Drake hated. He shuddered to think she might talk more.

"Yeah, sorry, but I need to baby sit my little sister," he lied easily.

"Okay, call me sometime?" she asked, hugging his arm. He gave her a fake smile and nodded. The fact that he just wasn't into her would probably go right over her head, so why even bother trying?

As he drove home, Drake wondered how he should do this. Should he just grab Josh and kiss the crap out of him or should he do something more romantic? If he went the romantic route, Josh might get suspicious when Drake attempts to cook. And knowing his cooking skills, Drake thought it would be better if he didn't make the house explode.

Well, he thinks, he can probably attempt pasta. Josh makes spaghetti for them all the time and it doesn't look too hard. You just wait for the water to...bubble when it gets really hot and then pour the noodles in and...um...he wasn't sure what to do next. How long do you cook it, and how do you know when it's done? Maybe he should cross cooking for Josh off his list.

As he was thinking of other ways to tell Josh he loved him, his phone vibrated again. Speak of the devil. _Dinner w/ Mindy. B back l8. How's ur date going?_

Mindy! Shit, he forgot about her. As long as Mindy was in the picture, Drake couldn't have Josh. And Josh...what if Josh loved Mindy? The thought slammed into Drake's head, making him slam onto the brakes. He pulled over to the side of the road and tried to calm his NASCAR-speed heart beat. He'd never asked Josh if he loved Mindy before, he was always too afraid of the answer. After that time Mindy told Josh she loved him, Drake was petrified of losing Josh to the Creature.

Sure, there was that whole episode where Mindy told him she loved him and he freaked, but that was over a year ago, things could change between then and now. While Josh compared her to one, Mindy wasn't like meat loaf where you could just decide instantly if you like it or not and keep that answer for a while. He could love Mindy tomorrow, then hate her the next. Drake pulled back onto the road and chuckled lightly to himself when he thought about Mindy and meat loaf. Mindy was icky and if she was going to be compared to meat loaf, Drake could humor himself in thinking that Mindy was just like his mom's meat loaf: dry, tasteless, and just plain gross.

Drake walked slowly into their room, throwing his keys lazily on the table as he did so. A thought crossed his mind. What did Josh do with that scrapbook Mindy gave him with all the notes they passed in class together?

He looked around the room to see if it was out in the open, which it wasn't. Drake was stuck, where would Josh have put that scrapbook? Oh, his bedside table, under his special box! Drake went over to it and pulled it out. He checked to make sure it really was the right one, since Josh kept a lot a scrapbooks, and smiled when he saw it really was their's. In the back of his mind, he knew he shouldn't be snooping in Josh's business, but he had to, for...study purposes.

He sat on the couch, popping some CDs into the stereo and opened the first page. He didn't bother to do more than skim them, but he noticed there was a pattern in them. After a certain page, Mindy would always start the notes with '_I love you!'_ but Josh would never say it back. Drake smiled when he saw this.

Then, there was also the recurring theme of Drake himself coming up in their conversations. Mindy would ask what he did that weekend and Josh would tell her about the fight he and Drake had over the foam finger or his latest gig. After Josh broke his foot, he told Mindy about Drake shooting him with a potato and impersonating a doctor. Mindy didn't find it at all funny. He told her about their trip to LA and about Baaaab the Sheep.

Drake smiled, liking to think that Mindy got tired of Josh always talking about the crazy schemes they got themselves into, but Josh grinning like a dumbass whenever he wrote about them. The latest letter on the last page had Josh telling her to watch FBI's Most Wanted that Saturday night to see him and Drake. Mindy ended the note with '_Love ya'_ but Josh just sent her back a smiley face ':-P.' Drake felt this was a good thing. Maybe he didn't love Mindy after all.

Smiling, Drake closed the scrapbook and returned it to Josh's "hiding spot." He saw another scrapbook in there, one that had a picture of the two of them on the cover. Curiosity got the better of Drake once again, so he pulled it out and leaned back against Josh's bed to look at it. Drake never really noticed until now that he and Josh loved to take pictures together.

Drake liked how they went in order, starting from their times when they hung out while their parents were dating. Josh lost _a lot_ of weight, why hadn't Drake noticed before? Sure, he knew that Josh lost weight, but he never noticed how much until now.

There was them playing GamePod together, eating pizza with Megan, attempting to wash Walter's car for money. There were quite a few of those; one of Drake spraying Josh with the garden hose, one of Josh throwing suds at Drake, a couple of Megan laughing and watching the boys, and one of Drake and Josh, covered in soap suds. Drake remembered that day, when he and Josh first started to like each other.

The next five or six pages were devoted to their parents' wedding. There was Mom, looking beautiful in her white gown and her hair curled and looking flawless; Dad looking nervous but dashing in his tux; Megan looked like a normal little girl in her flower girl dress, holding her little bouquet and standing with the other flower girl, their little cousin Lauren.

But, almost all the rest of the pictures were of Drake and Josh during the wedding. There they were before the wedding, accidentally wearing the others' suits; Josh had to help Drake tie his bowtie like the mother hen he was; a photo Drake remembers taking of Josh trying to look like a secret agent; and then Drake, attempting to look like James Bond.

Then, the reception pictures made Drake laugh out loud. There was one of Drake, Josh, and Drake's then nine-year-old cousin, Matt, who in Drake's eyes was the coolest little kid on earth, posing Charlie's Angels style; Josh making a speech for his dad, even though he wasn't the Best Man; Drake and Josh drinking champagne and Drake looking completely wasted.

There were pictures of the two of them dancing like total idiots on the dance floor, Drake's long hair flopping around his head like a mop; there was Drake dancing with Josh's little cousin, Julie, and Josh dancing with Matt and Connor, another of Drake's little cousins. Of course, there was Josh picking Drake up and swinging him around easily, Drake hanging there with a horrified expression on his face.

Finally, there were a few of Drake and Josh, who, towards the end of the reception, had found a storage closet in the restaurant they were at, filled with random articles of clothing that looked like they hadn't been touched since the 1700s. Not wanting to pass up the chance to be the center of attention, Drake suggested they put on the dresses and parade around.

Drake had on a low-cut dress with green sequins and about three pounds worth of bracelets on his wrists. He put on a green tiara-like headdress that weighed more than Josh's head and hooked arms with Josh. Josh on the other hand, decided to dress in breeches and a powdered wig and a coat that made him look like a British General. He put on the high heels and the bow tie and led Drake out to the rest of their family.

Everyone laughed and had to take pictures of them. Josh took his father's new wedding ring and brought it over to Drake. In front of God and everyone, he knelt down at Drake's seat and popped the question. Drake laughed like a giddy school girl and nodded.

Drake smiled at all the memories of the wedding. He didn't want a brother at first. Now he can't stand the thought of not having one.

There were other pictures too that brought back so many memories for Drake. There they were just after Josh moved into Drake's room, a piece of red licorice sticking out of both of their mouths; the two of them serenading baby Max; the boys and Grammy in the driveway under the basketball hoop.

Drake noticed that as he and Josh got to know each other better, they grew closer and closer, literally. Each time he turned the page, they stood closer and closer to each other. There was a picture of them dripping wet from the chocolate milk pool; the whole family, minus Megan, with pink hair; Drake and Josh together at the pool tables at the Premier, taken by Helen. Then, another picture that Drake didn't know had been taken of him and Josh sword fighting with the pool cues.

Drake smiled at the picture of him being picked up, again, by Josh, this time just after they won the talent show for their Blues Brothers routine. Instead of looking horrified like at the wedding, Drake looked happy and amused; the two of them, Josh wearing his hideous lucky shirt; them just after they won the Honor Council case. That was when Drake first started to hate Mindy, although she was such a know-it-all bitch, he hated her from afar before that.

He turned the page and out dropped a bunch of burned CDs and DVDs that had fallen out of their slots. Drake held them up and read what Josh had written on them, grinning like an idiot. Among them were "Wedding Reception," "Drake Medley Park: 4/12/05," "X-Mas '07," and "Romeo & Juliet-Act 3, Scene I." Drake swore he told Josh to burn that tape, since it was just a stupid English assignment with about three hours of footage, and only twenty minutes of it usable. The rest was the two of them, and Craig and Eric as Benvolio and Tybalt, respectively, goofing off and making unintended bloopers.

He smiled, remembering how excited Josh was when they were told to film this. Drake had said that since he was a truly sexy beast, he should play Romeo. That is, until he read some of the things that Romeo said and, after having had help translating, decided he was no way in Hell going to play a guy who was so whipped he'd let his best friend die for a girl he met a few days ago. So, he played Mercutio instead, saying he got to say perverted jokes for a project, that was just too good to miss.

There were hundreds of other pictures and Drake wanted to look at all of them and remember what he and Josh had gone through to get this far before he watched all of their videos. He would've, too, but he heard footsteps coming up the stairs towards their room. And a voice, Mindy's voice.

"Promise me you'll think about it?" Mindy asked.

"Okay, I'll think about it," he heard Josh say. Quickly, Drake went closer to the doorframe to listen closer.

"Thanks. I think you'll really like it, it'll be fun."

"Okay!" Josh said and Drake could tell he was smiling.

"I love you."

There was only a small pause before Drake felt as if his whole world was crashing down around him. "Love you, too," Josh said and was now probably kissing Mindy. Feeling as if his heart had just been ripped from his body and Josh was doing the Mexican Hat Dance on it, Drake slowly made his way to the couch, picking up his guitar to look like he had been playing it the whole time.

A few minutes later, Josh came in, completely clueless to what Drake heard. He sat down on the couch next to Drake, who stopped strumming his guitar to look at him. "Hey," Josh said happily, making Drake's heart break just a little more. "How'd your date go?"

"Alright. It's not going anywhere though."

"I thought you said you were gonna ask her out?"

"Yeah, but...there's someone else stopping me," Drake said, not looking at Josh.

"Oh, who? Do I know her, is she cute?"

"Yes, you know...her. And yeah, she's totally cute. Amazingly cute, actually. I've never felt this way about someone before. Just...it's not gonna happen."

"What? Why not?"

"—already have someone," Drake said quietly, the 'you' he said at the beginning inaudible.

"That's never stopped—" Drake cut him off with a kiss. He didn't want to talk to Josh about why he didn't go anywhere with Cindy, he just wanted Josh to know he needed him and wanted Mindy gone.

They stayed kissing as they stood up in front of the couch. Drake had his hands up Josh's shirt and Josh's were down in Drake's back pockets when the pieces of Drake's world that were already broken shattered to dust before his eyes. The turn of a doorknob, the creak of the door opening, the gasp out of his mom and the 'What the hell?' out of Walter and everything was over. There was no explaining, they couldn't lie about this and make it believable. So, they just stood there, their parents in the doorway and the boys in front of the couch, their hands in places brothers' hands really should never be.


	3. What Hurts Drake the Most

**A/N: Rascal Flatts owns the song title, minus Drake's name. This is the halfway mark of the story, yay! Okay, this chapter was BRUTAL for me to write! It took me FOREVER and actually the last chapter I wrote, so I was writing this entire story completely out of order. Guh, it was TORTURE to write this damn thing and I lost a lot of sleep over it, but I think I finally got it right.**

_**What Hurts Drake the Most**_

_But I Know If I Could Do It Over  
I Would Trade Give Away All The Words That I Saved In My Heart  
That I Left Unspoken_

_What Hurts The Most  
Is Being So Close  
And Having So Much To Say  
And Watching You Walk Away_

* * *

Everything was still and quiet in the room, the tension surrounding everyone, curling around their bodies and suffocating them. Drake wanted to break it, but he couldn't get his mouth to move. Slowly and unwillingly, Drake pulled away from Josh and stood at their desk, looking down at his bare feet. He just wanted someone to say something to break this horrible silence.

Finally, his mom spoke with a harsh tone she rarely uses, and Drake wishes the silence would come back. "What do you have to say about _this_?" Audrey said slowly and harshly. Drake knew she was mad, probably madder than she had ever been at him before. Because this, this was huge and a couple thousand 'I'm sorry's wouldn't even begin to make it better.

Josh started babbling incoherently about how this wasn't what it looked like and they were so wrong in their thoughts and he kept mentioning Mindy. Drake was really starting to hate hearing that girl's name. This was all her fault, after all. If she hadn't have somehow possessed Josh and made him say things he didn't mean, Drake would have been able to keep it in his pants for five minutes!

_Fuck,_ he thought and quickly looked down at his jean-clad legs. This would _not_ be a good time to have a boner in those tight-ass jeans he's wearing. He breathed a silent sigh of relief, but still refused to look up from his now very interesting toes. He refused to be the one to speak. Audrey hadn't actually called him out to talk, but he knew she was waiting for him to explain himself.

"Drake. Michael. Parker." His mother's voice saying his full name slowly forces Drake to look up. He sees her standing a few feet in front of him now, her hands on her hips, with Walter still standing in the door frame, looking angrier than ever. But, as Drake looks in Audrey's eyes, he sees anger, oh hell yes he sees anger, but he sees other things. Hurt, confusion, regret, remorse, and...is that disgust in her eyes, too? He looks down and away slightly. His mother is disgusted with him; he's not her little boy anymore. "What is going on here?" she asked, still looking at Drake, as if she thought it was all just him who did this.

Drake breathed in and out a few times as if he was about to talk, but he just couldn't. He had nothing to say anymore. So, he just shook his head and sat down on the couch, burying his head in his hands and shaking it back and forth. This was all his fault, he knew it and his parents knew it. They wouldn't blame Josh as much since this was obviously all Drake and another of his stupid ideas. And once again, Josh had to go along with it and would end up picking up the pieces at the end.

"Josh," Audrey said, none of the usual compassion in her voice, "why don't you go downstairs and talk to your father. I'd like to talk to Drake alone." Drake looked up at Josh with utter fear in his eyes, as if Josh leaving would cause his mother to turn into a witch and make him explode. "Josh," Audrey said again, even more forceful this time. Drake watched as Josh gave him a half smile, trying to be encouraging, and left the room.

Audrey came and sat down on the couch next to her son. Usually, when Drake was upset, she'd put her arm around his shoulders and rub his back until he calmed down. But this time, she just sat there, looking at Drake incredulously. Drake hated to see that look on her face, so he kept his eyes averted from hers. His elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands, he became very interested in the floor boards and the carpet under their coffee table.

"Drake," Audrey said, her voice suddenly softer and maternal now that Walter and Josh were gone. "Drake, please look at me." Drake didn't move. "Drake, we really need to talk."

"What, are you breaking up with me now?" Drake asked dryly. He tried to make it sound like a joke but the thickness in his voice diminished the joking part of it. Audrey didn't laugh, either.

"Drake, is something wrong? Are you mad at me for something? Is that why you're doing this?"

"Doing what?" Drake asked, honestly curious. Did she mean kissing Josh in his bedroom or sitting here wishing she hadn't seen what she saw?

"I know I didn't baby you that much when you were a little kid. Will you tell me why you're suddenly turning your entire life around?" Okay, so she meant the making-out-with-Josh-in-their-bedroom thing. Drake had never thought his mom would be one of those people who think it should be boys with girls only. Aunt Catherine maybe but his mother? He just wasn't expecting that.

Drake looked at Audrey incredulously, finally lifting his head and hearing it crack. "What do you mean, 'turn my life around'?"

"Oh, Drake, honey, I didn't mean it that way. I just meant..." Audrey trailed off into a sigh. Drake got up from the couch and stood next to the window, his arms crossed over his chest. His mother followed him. "Drake, I love you, you know that, right?"

Drake nodded, moving over again to get his mother's hands out of his hair. He shook his head a little to fix his bangs and continued to stare out the window at the setting sun. Forever and a day seemed to pass before Audrey said, "Drake, please talk to me. Do you feel like a father figure is missing from your life?"

Drake had to bite the inside of his lip to keep from snorting. He could taste blood as he said, "No Mom, Walter is great. It's got nothing to do with you guys or Dad or anyone else." He kept his eyes averted from hers the entire time, clenching and unclenching his fists against the material of his t-shirt.

Audrey took in a deep breath to say something else when Drake cut her off saying, "I'm not turning my life around." He looked up at her only after he said that, his own dark eyes staring back at him from his mother's face. "I'm not gay or anything." He felt a harsh twang in his heart when he saw his mother visibly relax. "I have girls and so does Josh. It's just—I don't know, Josh is always there, you know?"

"The two of you do have that codependency thing going for you. And I've told you already that it's not always healthy the extremes the two of you take it sometimes."

"I know, I know that. We can't help it though, we have something going for us," Drake said and saw out of the corner of his eye his mother flinch at his choice of words. He didn't try to take it back, though.

Audrey left after a little longer, not getting much else out of her son. She could tell he was trying to deny something bigger than he was letting on, but she could also tell he wasn't going to budge in saying anything. She and Walter both knew that Drake and Josh had a different relationship than most boys their age and they loved each other very much. But, they had never expected something like this to happen and it had to stop. This game they were playing was going too far now.

Josh came back into the room a little while after, a defeated look on his face. Drake looked up from his lyrics notebook in his hands and blew his bangs away from his eye. "What?"

"Did Mom tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Drake asked, instantly afraid of what was going to come out of Josh's mouth next.

"Dad wants me to move into the guestroom." Drake thought his heart might actually stop. He looked around the huge bedroom he had come to know as _their_ bedroom. How was he supposed to walk in here and know that it was all his? It would leave an empty feeling in his stomach that only Josh could fill.

"O-oh, I—no, Mom didn't tell me that," Drake half croaked, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible. He held onto the loft to support himself as he felt his knees slowly starting to turn to jell-o. Placing his guitar against the amp in front of his bed, he moved over to grip the metal ladder tightly. He didn't want his own room, crazy as that sounded. Guys who shared their rooms with their brothers always said they wanted them out and yes, Drake had said that before, but now he didn't want his own room, it would feel too weird.

"Drake? Say something Drake, you look kinda pale," Josh's voice flowed through Drake's buzzing ears. His mouth didn't match his words though, as if he was watching a movie from the '60s before they had good audio tracks.

Shaking his head to clear the bees that lodged themselves in his eardrums, Drake shoved past Josh, saying, "I gotta think this through." As he closed the door, he remembered Josh said the same thing when he thought he might be in love with Mindy, and look how that turned out for them; they had that on-again, off-again relationship, and Josh was cheating on her with his stepbrother.

It was well after dark now and Drake's ass had long since fallen asleep and frozen to the rock wall he was sitting on. He was hunched over, hugging his knees to his chest and resting his chin on top of them. The hood of his oversized, black sweatshirt was pulled over his head, covering all his precious hair all the way to his eyebrows. He heaved a sigh as he heard a car pass by.

A few minutes later, he heard footsteps coming towards his spot. He gasped, thinking it was some freaky pedophile or something. He considered hiding in a bush, before he realized the person coming towards him was none other than Josh.

Only Josh would know that the Point was where Drake would come. The Point was an old spot near their neighborhood that used to be the hottest make out spot and a drive-in. But, it had been years since they tore the drive-in down. Trees and underbrush had formed lives of their own here and now it was completely unmanageable. But, Drake still liked to come down here and sit. It was the only place for miles where you could look up at night and count millions of stars.

Josh was also the only one who knew that Drake was trying to hide from the world. He was at the Point, he was wearing his hood, and he was curled up into a ball, trying to get as small as he could, just wanting to fall off the face of the earth forever and never have to experience anything bad anymore.

He sat down next to the shivering musician and instantly wrapped an arm around his brother's shoulders who in turn immediately sunk into the warmth of the embrace. They sat on the wall in silence, looking up at the stars. Josh was trying to find constellations when Drake asked quietly, "How'd you know I was here?"

Josh chuckled a little and said, "Where else would you go? You always come here."

"Not always," Drake said quietly, sadness in his voice, but Josh could tell he was smiling.

"Yes Drake, always. You came down here when my dad first married your mom, when your mom told you about your dad getting remarried, each time you broke it off with Carly, Lucy, and Susan, when Mom took away all of your guitars, need I go on?"

Drake shook his head, a smile dancing on his lips. Josh gave his shoulder a gentile squeeze and said he'd be right back. Drake watched as he left through the clearing, probably going to his car, and came back a few moments later with a beer in each hand. Drake smiled, knowing that a year ago, Josh would never be willing to hawk beer from their father. But, that was junior-Josh and senior-Josh was cooler and more willing to bend the rules, as long as Drake was involved. A stolen beer every now and then wouldn't hurt them.

He handed Drake one of the beers and said, "Alright, talk, why are you out here in the middle of the night?"

"They're trying to split us up," Drake said quietly. "They want to take you away from me." Josh nodded knowingly, wanting Drake to continue talking before he spoke himself. "First making you sleep in the guestroom, then what? Not let us hang out anymore? Make you go to a private school? Ship me off to some correctional facility?"

"Drake, I think you're going a little overboard here," Josh said, willing Drake to stay away from his territory. But, in the very back of his mind, where his conscience lay, a small, faint voice was saying that Drake could be right.

"Its hard to think that the first time I came out here was when you became my brother. I didn't want you hogging everything I rightfully owned. Now I'm here 'cause everything I have is yours and I don't want that taken away from me." Josh marveled for a moment that for Drake, that was deep.

"Dreams change I guess," Josh said quietly and Drake nodded. They both drank their stolen beer for a few moments in a comfortable silence, Drake scooting over so Josh's arm was around him in a more relaxed position.

"I never wanted a brother," Drake said quietly and Josh looked down at him. He told him he knew that, since Drake had made that quite clear when they first met. "I liked how it was, you know? Just me and my mom and Megan, we didn't need anyone else. You ever think what would've happened if we were friends all along?"

"Our parents would probably have already kicked us out of the house," Josh said. They'd have been friends since they were in the fourth grade and from that, they probably would've fallen for each other sooner. But, then again, they weren't family then. "Maybe Mom and Dad would be more accepting if we weren't brothers." Drake nodded distractedly, looking up at the sky again.

Josh was looking for the Little Dipper, thinking about how he wanted to be an astronaut when he was younger. Josh Nichols: Head Astronaut. But, knowing Drake, he'd change it to Josh Nichols: Head Astro-Nuts. "You know," Josh said suddenly. "This is also where we had our first kiss."

Drake snorted and said, "You are such a girl Nichols. And no it isn't. Our first kiss was in the living room, remember?"

"That doesn't count. That kiss was purely a thank you kiss for buying me backstage passes to meet Oprah."

"Yeah, 'cause when Trevor bought me those Zero Gravity tickets for my birthday, I kissed him, too," Drake said sarcastically. Josh gave him a glare, but Drake just shrugged as if to say, 'You know it's true.'

"I meant our first _real_ kiss," Josh specified and looked down at Drake. Drake looked back at him, giving a little laugh and nodded to show he remembered what Josh was talking about.

_It was just after they escaped from Mrs. Hayfer's evil dog, Tiberius, and they had cut through the Point to get home. They had dodged the dog near BF Wang's and stopped to take a breather in those woods. Drake had slumped against a tree and Josh sat down in front of him on a pile of leaves._

"_Y'alright?" Josh said after his breathing started to return to normal. Drake nodded slightly, letting his head rest against the bark of the tree. "Some dog, huh?" Josh tried to joke and Drake glared over at him, a ghost of a smirk playing on his face._

_Drake pushed himself up so they could start walking home again when he started to fall back to the ground, his knees going weak. Josh caught him by the wrist and around the waist, trying to steady him._

"_Easy," he said, keeping his hand on the small of Drake's back longer than he probably should've. He guided the two of them over so they could sit on the stone wall for a few minutes longer._

"_Thanks," Drake mumbled when they say, his foot kicking out and hitting Josh's whenever it came back. Josh put an arm around Drake's shoulders, saying an indifferent, "No problem bro."_

_The sun was setting now and when Drake turned to look at Josh, he had to blink a few times. The sun was shining in and framing Josh's face like a halo from behind. His dark hair showed off golden strands and his green eyes glowed brightly._

_Drake's auburn locks looked like something straight out of Heaven and his dark brown eyes looked almost hazel. Josh felt himself leaning in, watching as Drake did the same, and their lips met softly. It was kind of like the Oprah kiss, but this time it didn't have Megan's camera flash behind them or either of them planning on stopping any time soon._

_When they finally did pull back, Drake resting his forehead on Josh's, he grinned. "Wow," Josh said breathlessly._

"_Yeah," Drake said just as breathlessly. He saw Josh's mouth move, so he got up and started to walk out of the clearing, heading for home._

That had been a great day for Drake, despite the whole nearly-getting-eaten-by-a-vicious-dog part. He smiled as he realized that the day had happened almost a year ago. Wow, he thought. An entire year, had it really been that long? The days had just flown past him like the wind. And people said he couldn't hold a relationship for more than a month!

Drake smiled wider, thinking that Josh was really the only relationship he ever held for very long. Almost five years now, if you counted the times when they hung out while their parents were still dating. Fourteen years old and he had met his love, although he hadn't known it yet. Drake thought that was pretty special, since some people go their entire lives without finding that one person that makes them weak at the knees and ties their tongue and makes them want to drop everything they ever wanted, just to be with that one person forever.

And now it was being taken away from him in the blink of an eye. It was like losing his father all over again, where he just felt like his entire life as he knew it was being taken away from him too early. He knew what he had to do to keep Josh here with him.

"Josh," Drake said quietly, not really wanting an answer from him. When Josh turned his face towards him, Drake pulled him downwards by the lapels of his button-down to meet his lips. He tried to put everything he wanted Josh to know into that kiss; that he needed him to stay, that he loved him and Josh was all Drake wanted.

With a strangled cry, Drake started pushing Josh backwards forcefully until he had hit one of the trees in their little clearing. Keeping his lips firmly on Josh's, Drake started to move his hands lower for Josh's shirt, quickly and purposefully untucking it. As he started to unbutton and push the shirt off of Josh's shoulders, Josh started to push his lips back into Drake's, making the shorter boy's back arch backwards.

When Josh noticed that Drake's hands were still pushing his shirt off his shoulders, he shrugged them a little to let the shirt fall to the ground, forgotten. Josh pulled off Drake's sweatshirt and t-shirt he had on under his head so that they were both standing there shirtless. Then he stopped, relishing the feeling of his tingling lips.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked quietly and nervously.

Drake nodded and said, "I—only if you are man," deciding that Josh could have the final say in this matter. He waited for Josh but couldn't keep his face from lighting up when Josh smiled lightly and nodded back.

"We don't have anything," Josh said however. But Drake was already kissing him again that neither of them could care about that just now.

They both took it slow, not wanting to hurt the other or freak them out. Drake would never say it was the alcohol. He would never say that it was the stolen booze or the bright moon or the millions of tiny stars that dotted the inky sky like diamonds that pushed him to finally do it. He would just say they added to the effect, since the full moon seemed to make Josh glow like a ghost. The only reason he did it was because he knew, right then and there, that he wanted Josh to be a part of him, to be inside of him. He wanted to feel ever part of Josh against his skin, he wanted to be able to taste of every piece of Josh's skin and feel every drip of sweat that Josh felt.

As Josh trailed kisses up and down Drake's neck and chest, Drake wondered if he had ever done this before. It was different with girls and suddenly he started to get nervous. If Josh had never done this, he wasn't sure if this was the best choice. He wanted Josh, oh hell yes he wanted Josh, but how would Josh feel knowing that his first time was with Drake?

But, Josh started kissing him full on the mouth again, his hands wandering to Drake's belt and Drake didn't care anymore. Josh seemed to be perfectly fine with this, he should be too. So, he lowered his hands down Josh's waistband and trailed his fingers up and down the inseam, so slowly and teasingly Josh nearly bit a hole through Drake's lip, trying not to scream.

For a while, all that could be heard were soft moans and grunts, the occasional _fuck_shouted out into the night, usually followed by the other's name. There was no Drake and no Josh anymore, it was just DrakeJosh now, nothing in between the two.

The two of them were lying down on the leaves still, Josh keeping his arm protectively over Drake's waist and holding him close against him. Drake squirmed to get as close to Josh as he could, rotating his head to give him a peck on the neck. Josh gulped at the touch. "You okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?" Drake asked, although he didn't think he had been in much of a position to hurt the man.

"No, no, I'm fine, just...I don't know, I'm fine."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

"Drake, it's nothing, you did nothing wrong. You did everything right, I just thought you'd..." Josh trailed off, but Drake nodded anyway, getting what Josh meant. He was still insecure about himself. He may be eighteen now and had at least some experience with both girls and guys, but inside him somewhere was still that goofy fifteen-year-old, overweight kid who thought Drake was going to leave him as soon as he got what he wanted out of Josh. Drake smiled, thinking that just made Josh all the more cute.

Josh nuzzled the back of Drake's neck, sending a shiver coursing down his spine. They both got up and pulled their discarded clothes back on, trying to brush as many leaves off of them as possible.

Slowly, they walked back to the car, ready to just fall onto the couch and watch some old movies. Now, they had even more of a reason to stay close, and Walter and Audrey had another reason to want to separate them.


	4. Nobody Knows You When Youre Down and Out

**A/N: Yeah, Jimmie Cox, I'm pretty sure, is dead by now, so I did not write this song, either, although I have played it on the guitar**

_**Nobody Knows You When You're Down and Out**_

_In your pocket, not one penny,  
And as for friends, you don't have any._

_When you finally get back up on your feet again,  
Everybody wants to be your old long-lost friend.  
Said its mighty strange, without a doubt,  
Nobody knows you when you're down and out_

* * *

They came into the house through the front door, thinking everyone would be asleep already. Josh kept shushing a stumbling Drake as they tried to make it up the stairs when a light flicked on behind them. With a start, they both turned to face the living room, seeing their parents, standing behind the couch in their bathrobes and looking livid.

With their arms crossed over their chests, the parents glared at their sons, waiting for them to start talking. When neither of them did, Walter said, "Where have you two been?" The boys only looked at one another, hoping to find a plausible answer in the other's eyes. They found none and stayed silent.

Audrey sighed, putting his hands to her temples and starting to rub. Drake felt his fingers start to twitch by themselves. "What are we going to do with you two?" she asked them in total exasperation. Drake looked down at the floor, his whole body going limp. His mom hated what he was becoming.

Walter sighed roughly before speaking. "We didn't want to do this," he said, choosing his words carefully. Drake knew what was coming next, feeling his heart tighten at just the thought of losing Josh. He felt his arm move on its own accord to grasp Josh's forearm in a death grip. "Josh," Walter said, pretending he didn't notice Drake's sudden contact-need so it wouldn't hurt as much to say the next part. "Go and get your things, we'll have you moved to the guestroom before Megan wakes up."

"Wait, I don't—" Josh started but Walter cut him off, his voice suddenly angry and exasperated.

"Josh, upstairs, move your things, now!" he said through gritted teeth. Walter was a fair man and the boys had rarely heard him yell unless they were in a lot of trouble. Now, it was multiplied by ten.

Josh looked down at Drake and started to walk up the stairs. Drake suddenly couldn't breathe. Everything around him was going black, his head felt heavy, like he'd gotten up too fast after he'd been lying down for too long.

"Josh," he squeaked out so quietly he barely heard it himself. His palms were sweaty now and he had no idea which was up or down. He felt like he was drunk, but the bad kind of drunk, the kind of drunk where no matter what you do, it doesn't go right and everything just fucks the last things up so much more.

"I don't wanna know where you two were or what you were doing and why you smell like beer," Walter said from behind Drake. He was still very angry. "Now Drake, your mother and I have been talking, and we need to talk to you. Sit down, son."

Drake looked up the stairs a moment longer before moving to sit on the couch between his parents. He soon found that sitting down was not the most comfortable position at a time like this. He bent over his knees so he wouldn't have to look at either of them as they told him they were going to send him away to some camp to 'straighten him out' or whatever they wanted to do with him.

Audrey spoke first. "Your father and I tried to be great parents, Drake," she said solemnly. "I wasn't happy when you decided to follow Michael with the guitar, but you love that more than anything. I can see it in your eyes every time you play." Drake was barely able to hold in a snort.

When he started teaching himself to play guitar when he was nine, his mom was afraid he was going to become just like his father: a guitar-playing cheat who would leave his family when times got too hard. She got over that though, that's not why Drake was about to snort at her.

'When he played' she said. She meant when he played on stage and Audrey, and Walter for that matter, hardly ever came to Drake's gigs. They were always busy at work or doing something that kept them from coming. Drake accepted that when the gigs were in LA or somewhere far away, but when they missed his last two gigs at Club Diego, he had a hard time forgiving them for that.

"This is our fault, isn't it?" Audrey asked. Drake was about to ask her what she meant when Walter answered her.

"We tried hard," he said. "We wanted you and Josh to have a good relationship. Guess we got what we asked for." Walter gave an awkward laugh at that, trying to get Drake to laugh, too. When Drake remained unmoving, Walter continued, "Drake, all we wanted was for you and Josh to get along, so we could be a family. But, this...we never even thought that this would ever come up."

"Yeah, well, sorry I'm not what you were hoping for," Drake grumbled as he got up to walk to the kitchen. He pulled a Dr. Fizz out of the fridge and turned out of habit to ask Josh where he put the root beer. But, when he saw that Walter and Audrey were both watching him, he put the drink back and pulled out a Mocha Cola instead.

Drake started to tune out the adults when he walked back in. He had to after a while, or else he'll start hearing this horrible buzzing in his ear when they talk to him. He already knew what they were talking about. Mom was thinking about sending him to more sessions with Dr. Stein to see what was wrong now in her only son's head. She thought it may have been because Michael left that Drake was moving from Trevor to Josh and was always moving from girl to girl. Drake never said she was wrong about that, although he wasn't sure if it was true or not. He just knew it was no use to argue.

It was getting really boring, really fast. Drake needed out. He faked a wide yawn, stretched for emphasis, and said, "I'm really tired. I'm gonna go to bed. G'night," he said and left before the parents could call him back so they could keep talking.

He walked up the stairs and instead of turning right to get to his bedroom, he turned left to get to the guestroom. The door was open slightly and the light was shining through the crack. Looking in both directions to make sure no one could see him, although he wasn't really sure what he was looking out for really, and pushed the door open.

Josh was sitting on the bed—not his bed, just the bed—with a book in his hands. He looked up and smiled when he saw that Drake was standing in the doorway. "I'd close the door if I were you," he said. Drake nodded and closed the door behind him quickly before bounding onto the bed beside Josh. "Well hello," Josh laughed at him, putting his book on the side table.

Drake gave Josh a kiss in response, a wide smile growing and lighting up his face. He then crawled under the covers and Josh had a nervous thought that Drake wanted more sex. He wasn't sure if he could do it again.

But, Drake just nuzzled himself into Josh's warm side as if he was a tired puppy. Josh put an arm around Drake's broad shoulders and pulled him closer. He reached up to turn off the light, submerging them into total darkness. Josh then lowered himself under the covers so Drake's head was now resting on his shoulder.

"I don't like this already," Drake said, referring to the new room assignments. The guestroom was cold and uninviting from so much underuse. Plus, the mattress was soft and that was going to be killer on Josh's back in the morning. "I'm sorry," Drake apologized softly.

Josh kissed on the crown of his head and said, "For what?"

Drake got out of the bed and said, "This is all my fault." He didn't elaborate on what he meant before he opened the door to go back to their room, bracing himself for a long, cold, restless sleep. As he walked passed Megan's closed bedroom door, he heard it creak open. He froze in his tracks, hoping he'd only imagined the noise.

But, the door opened and a pair of drake brown eyes, the exact same as Drake and Audrey's met his through a crack in the door. They just stared at each other for a dew moments, neither of them moving or speaking. The sound of the television turning on downstairs triggered Megan to open her door more and lean against her door frame.

She crossed her arms over her chest, although there was a softened look behind her eyes, and said, "You went too far." It wasn't a question.

Instead of pulling the usual I-have-no-idea-what-you're-talking-about bit, Drake merely sighed and said, "I don't know yet. Yeah, I probably did."

"You went too fast." Again, it wasn't a question. Drake looked down at his feet and nodded ruefully. He shuffled his feet a little as Megan added, "Just be prepared for the meltdown." She was about to close the door when Drake stuck his foot in the way.

"Wait, Megan. How long have you known?"

Megan just laughed at him and said, "Since before you and Josh did, that's for sure. You want the specifics?" Drake nodded. "I walked in on you two in the living room one night. You had the TV on to some documentary channel, no wonder you two were asleep. I—"

"We were all over each other, weren't we?"

"Yeah, pretty much. I kinda just put two and two together. And for the record, Drake. I tried to stop Mom and Dad from seeing you the other day."

Taken aback, Drake said, "How come?"

"'Cause I see the way you two look at each other. I see the way your eyes have that light in them at only two different times, when you're playing on stage and when you're with Josh. I've known for a long time about you guys, I just wish I could've helped you sooner. You know, I'm not totally evil." Megan closed the door and left Drake to think about what she meant on his way to bed.

Drake noticed as Josh drove to school the next morning, he gripped the steering wheel extra tight. His knuckles were turning white and his whole body seemed very tense. He kept shooting small, nervous glances at Drake whenever they stopped. He was pretty sure Josh wanted to tell him something important.

"What?" he asked finally when they were stopped at a light. Josh looked over at him with a confused expression on his face.

"What what?" he asked.

"Something's bothering you, what is it?"

"What makes you think something's bothering me?"

Drake rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Because I know you man, better than anyone. I think I can tell when something's bugging you. Now talk." Josh gave a small, embarrassed smile.

"Am I that predictable?"

"You're avoiding the question," Drake sing songed and Josh chuckled. Drake eyed him for a few moments, noticing his features becoming more and more serious and somber with each passing second. This was not going to be good.

Josh sighed long and slowly as they pulled into the student parking lot. "Drake, I—" he started, then stopped and shook his head. He was really starting to scare Drake now. Whatever was on Josh's mind was really big, especially if it took him this long to tell Drake. He parks in their designated parking spot and turns the car off before turning to Drake, who has his hand on the handle to open the door. "Drake, I've been doing some thinking." Conversations with Josh never end well for Drake when they start with that. He stayed quiet, waiting for Josh to continue his little speech. "I—we can't keep doing this anymore."

"Doing what?" Drake asked, although he had a pretty good idea. He just didn't want to believe it until Josh actually said it.

"This, this thing between us, we can't keep doing this," Josh said, making hand gestures between the two boys.

"Is this because of what Mom and Dad said? You're actually gonna listen to them?" Drake asked incredulously.

"Drake, they're our parents, we still live under their roof, we have to listen to them."

"Fuck no, we don't!" Drake said almost savagely. Josh raised an eyebrow at him for him to continue, only to have Drake shake his head. His grip on the door handle tightened as he said, "Josh, we're already eighteen, we don't have to listen to them anymore if we don't want to."

"We're eighteen, yes, but they're still our parents Drake," Josh reasoned.

Drake ground his teeth together, a hard look upsetting his usually soft features, the muscles in his jaw jumping slightly. He shook his head before saying, "So that's it? Mommy and Daddy don't approve and instantly you give up? I see how it is then," Drake said and opened the door. He slammed it closed and walked into the school before Josh could say another word.

"Drake," he grumbled just before opening the door. "We just need to slow down." He shook his head, knowing Drake couldn't hear him anymore, and followed his red haired brother into the school.

Drake stalked over to his locker and nearly ripped it off its hinges when he threw it open. There was fire in his eyes no one had seen before when he slammed his locker closed, jamming his books so hard into his backpack he probably ripped it.

People watched as he stomped over to his class. His bassist, Pauly, and his keyboardist, Cooper, were standing off to the side of the classroom Drake had just gone in, having a silent debate over whether they should go talk to him or not. Eventually, they decided not to and to just let him cool down before they try anything.

He was mumbling to himself and drawing flaming guitars on his notebook when Josh walked in with Mindy. English class was the only class all three of them had together, and of course it was first thing in the morning today.

This class, Drake was even more distracted and bored than usual, since he couldn't pass notes with Josh and he knew that the minute he took his cell phone out, Mrs. Hayfer would take it and he'd never see it again. So, he spent the entire fifty-seven minute period willing Mindy to explode with his mind. Surprisingly, it made him feel a bit better, kinda like a sit-n-bounce.

As soon as he left the class to get to study hall, Cooper grabbed him by the arm, pulling him backwards and almost into the lockers. "Dude, what the hell?" Drake said savagely, adjusting his backpack. He glared as Mindy and Josh walked by, holding hands. Josh tried to smile at him, but Drake only glared harder at him.

"Drake, what's the matter?" Cooper asked him, arms crossed over his chest and an accusatory stare pointed at the guitarist.

Drake growled angrily and said, "Josh fuckin Nichols is the matter."

"Your brother? What'd he do?"

"No, he's not my brother anymore. Brothers don't stab brothers in the back."

"Okay, Josh your best friend then?" Cooper said, meaning behind his words. Drake looked at him with a look that said he didn't really know what Coop meant. "You said Josh wasn't your brother anymore. Then, what did your best friend do to you?"

"You didn't do anything. That asshole that I have to share a bedroom with did everything!"

Cooper shook his head in slight annoyance and said, "Drake, I've known you since we were seven. You think I know you by now?" Drake nodded, not sure where this was going. "Okay then, I know when something is bothering you. And I know that you have never been closer to someone before than Josh. He's your best friend, now what's going on?"

Cooper had a point, the bastard. Drake didn't want to think about things that way, it made things seem worse on his part. Drake shook his head, knowing he couldn't tell Cooper that he was mad at Josh because he just broke up with him and chose Mindy instead. That would not go over well, he was Drake Parker, after all.

Cooper smiled slightly and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Give him some time. You and Josh will come around again. You always do." Then he started walking off to his class in the opposite direction of Drake's study hall.

The school day was so much longer, Drake learned, when he was avoiding Josh. It was like he was done with him again. This time he really _was_done with Drake, since Josh had just dumped him this morning. And for Mindy Crenshaw! Some things Drake just couldn't wrap his head around, like Josh and Mindy.

Study hall was quiet without Josh texting him funny lines from movies or pick up lines Craig and Eric actually thought would work—they probably worked for each other—or the two of them going back and forth, texting random lines from songs, trying to make a new one. He wasn't sure how much longer he could take Mindy anymore. Was this how Josh felt when Drake made him late for the exam, or how Craig felt when Eric became popular? No one knows what that feels like, unless they lived it, Drake knew that for sure. It was the full, horrible pain that tugged harder at your inner heartstrings, feeling like it was slowly killing you inside. Josh had never felt this horrible.

All his other classes sucked, it was impossible to do his work normally, and knowing Josh was mad at him just made it that much worse. He ditched his last two classes, gym and media studies, and instead hung out in the senior courtyard, playing badminton and poker with some other guys out there.

During one of the poker games, Drake lost about twenty bucks, two packs of gum, and three guitar picks. He was usually good at the game, but he was so distracted by every little thing that seemed to remind him of Josh, he didn't notice his hand sucked when he placed his bets.

The car ride home was the worst, however. Usually, they'd be fighting over what to listen to on the radio ("Josh, if I have to listen to the Hailstones one more time, I swear I'll shoot you in the foot!") or what movie to see that night ("Drake, you promised you'd let me pick the movie this time." "Yeah, that was before you told me what it was.") or where to go that weekend ("But the City Slackers are playing at Club Diego tonight!" "I don't care; I wanna go to that laser light show downtown!") or just arguing for the plain hell of it ("Come on, please?" "No, not happening." "Jo—" "I said no!" "Hmph, you're no fun.")

But today, there was absolutely none of that. Josh kept his eyes on the road and the radio off. Drake didn't want a reason for Josh to be mad at him, so he kept his hands off the buttons and just stared out his window. He felt like a little kid who had just gotten scolded by his parents for the first time; too afraid to do anything but sit there and wait for his parents to see he could still be a perfect boy.

Josh had barely turned off the car when Drake opened the door and went into the house through the garage. Josh stayed in the car for a little while longer, waiting and thinking. As he wondered what Drake was doing, he looked up over the garage and saw his brother's silhouette in the window of their room. His shoulders were slumped and he looked like he was biting his nails. Josh knew he was a wreck and this was never going to be easy.

The door creaked when Josh pushed it open lightly. Drake was still standing in front of the window, a ping pong paddle in one hand and what looked like a cell phone in the other. His hood was covering his head again and he had a blank expression on his face.

"Drake, I wanted—" Josh started, but got cut off by his phone ringing. He and Drake both recognized the designated ring tone; Mindy was calling. He answered it and Drake could tell he and Mindy were making plans. Great, just goddamn fucking _great_. Josh hung up soon, with a 'Love you, too,' that Drake only pretended he didn't hear, and turned back to his brother. "Drake, can we talk?"

"Talk? Talk, you wanna _talk_? I think you talked enough man!" Drake said, suddenly feeling nothing but anger coursing through his veins.

Drake and Josh fought a lot, everyone knew that. They had their arguments and slap matches and even a few wrestling matches like all normal friends. Their fights were always halfway innocent, never actually hurting the other, just tiring them out. But this time, when Drake bowled Josh down to the floor, there were no playful smacks or friendly yells at one another.

Josh may have always had the upper hand with height in their fights, but this time he was so surprised by the strength in Drake there was nothing he could do to keep the skinny kid off him.

Drake had completely lost it. He was screaming and swearing at Josh as he punched and clawed at every inch of Josh's body that he could reach. Josh wondered why no one was coming in when they heard Drake screaming. He didn't know how long Drake held him to the floor, but he finally, reached his arms up and grabbed onto Drake's own, trying to steady them. Unlike all their other fights, Drake fought against Josh's grip, twisting and writhing against Josh's stronger and bigger hands.

"Drake, Drake, cut it out!"

"No, let go of me!" Drake snarled so venomously that Josh dropped his hands as if burned. He kept them a few inches above himself, waiting for Drake to attack again, but he didn't need to, Drake was done fighting.

It was probably one of the saddest, most depressing sights Josh had ever been forced to see. Drake's speech in chemistry last year was dwarfed considerably to this, and Drake wasn't even talking yet. He was completely limp, his hair even seemed to sag with full-on sadness. He looked like a rag doll that no one wanted to play with anymore because he was a little old and worn out, and they had found someone new.

Sniffing, Drake got off of his brother and leaned up next to the side of couch, curling himself into a fetal position. He shook his head so his bangs were in his eyes, but Josh had already seen, and could tell, that Drake was crying.

"How could you?" he finally said, his voice thick with tears and loss. Josh sat down next to Drake, one knee pulled up to rest his elbow, but Drake slid over so he wasn't so close. This was definitely new; whenever they fought before, Drake would do anything to get close to Josh and it was Josh trying to get distance. Josh wasn't sure about this role switch.

Sighing, Josh said, "Drake, are you calm now?"

"No, I still wanna beat the fucking piss out of you, I'm just resting," Drake grumbled just as viciously as before. He reached up to wipe his nose and Josh noticed his knuckles were swollen and a bit bloody. When he pointed this out, Drake just snorted.

Josh took a deep breath and said, "Drake, what's hitting me gonna do?"

"Everything. If I hit you, you'll know what you did to me. I wanna beat the living tar out of you until you feel as shitty as I do." If this was only part of it, Drake was really, really hurting.

"Fine," Josh said, his voice hard and devoid of any emotion. He stood up and pulled Drake up roughly by his armpits. With only a slight stumble, Drake stood and looked up at his much taller brother. "Whatever you wanna do, give it to me. Free shot."

Drake sucked in his lip and ground his teeth viciously. He took the offer and started pounding on Josh over and over again. Just as Josh was starting to block and fight back, Drake gave him a mighty push, sending the black haired man flying into the couch and making it tip back and forth for a second.

"Feel better?" he asked, nursing his jaw where Drake popped him a few good ones. Fire like Josh had never seen before was blazing full-force in Drake's eyes and his question was answered. Drake moved like he wanted to go back and hit Josh again, but he stopped halfway and put his hands to his face, sobbing and shaking. He shook his head, but whether he was trying to will himself to stop crying like a little girl or answering Josh's question, Josh didn't know.

He looked at Drake closely a moment, then said, "Your nose is bleeding."

"I don't fucking care," Drake growled, but he brought his hand up to his nose anyways. Josh wasn't even aware that he had hit Drake in the entire scuffle.

"I'm sorry," Josh said, knowing that it wouldn't help. How many times had Drake apologized and Josh said it wouldn't help. Drake had said it himself, sorry doesn't make it okay. But, it was all he had.

The room was silent for many long moments. Josh wondered again when Mom or Dad was going to come home with Megan from oboe practice or if one of them had been home the entire time, wondering what the hell was going on upstairs in the boys' room now. Knowing what the parents knew now, they'd probably get some very wrong ideas.

"Drake, I think we need to slow down and breathe a minute. Can we do that?" Josh sat up a little bit on the couch and watched as Drake moved around the room to the swivel desk chair, sitting the right way with his feet up on the desk, avoiding looking at Josh. "Okay, you breathing now?" Drake nodded, staring out the window. "Drake, I think we took all of this way too fast and we just need—"

"You're blaming me for all this, aren't you," Drake said, although this, like Megan's comments last night, were not really questions.

Josh not answering was all the answer Drake needed. "Fuck this, fuck you Josh," he said finally and left the room. Josh just stared at the door, then watched out the window as Drake left, on foot, into the afternoon sun. Josh just knew he wasn't going to the Point this time and knew wherever he was going, Josh wouldn't be able to find him any time soon.

With a hand on his forehead, Josh slid down the wall to the floor, unaware that Drake was doing the exact same thing on the rickety picket fence in the Carmichael's yard next door.


	5. Babe I'm Gonna Leave You

**A/N: Wow, I can't believe this story is almost over. Just one more chapter after this. Tis sad, I know, but I'm gonna keep writing. This fandom has sucked me over to the dark side and I have no intention of leaving any time soon. I wasn't planning on posting this till tomorrow (since I should be in school) but thanks to a freak accident in gym class, I'm sitting at home on the couch instead of in school and I can post a day early.**

_**Babe I'm Gonna Leave You**_

_Really got to ramble.  
I can hear it callin me the way it used to do,  
I can hear it callin me back home. I've got to quit you_

_I know, I never leave you, baby.  
But I got to go away from this place_

* * *

Drake stayed out in the San Diego night for hours. He needed to clear his head of everything that had happened. He knew why Josh was with Mindy; Josh had freaked out after the fact that he had just slept with Drake finally set in. Josh was ashamed, as he really should be. Josh was a straight guy who had just fucked his entire life up by giving everything up to his, also straight, _brother_. Imagine seeing that on a Dr. Phyllis segment.

Josh couldn't handle it and he hated having anyone mad at him, let alone his own parents. So, the best answer for Josh was for him to go on living his life, staying away from Drake and pretending that night, that amazing night, had never happened. Josh could do that, but it hurt too much for Drake. So, he left.

In the dead of the night, Drake walked all around the places that he could get to on foot. He went to the Point, the beach, the abandoned water tower, and the unfinished house on Meadow Crest where he and Josh and all their other friends would play paintball. Did every place in San Diego make Drake think about Josh? Had they really been everywhere, seen everything?

He was walking aimlessly when he saw a light on at one of the houses in front of him. Nearing it, he saw it was none other than Craig Ramirez's house, with the two nerd lovers sitting on a porch swing, swinging slowly together and reading some sort of complicated-looking astrology chart. With a quick decision, Drake turned and walked up the walkway until he was standing opposite the two, leaning on the porch railing.

"Drake? What are you doing here?" Craig asked surprised.

"What, a guy can't come to his good buddy's place in the middle of the night?" Drake asked as if he did this kind of thing everyday.

"Doesn't happen very often," Eric said, looking Drake over a few times. It was the sad truth that Drake was really a mess when even nerdy Craig and Eric saw that something was up. Drake never thought he'd ever sink so low. "Is there something on your mind? You need to talk about something?" Eric asked him, putting the chart down on the porch floor beside him.

Craig and Eric were the last people Drake wanted to talk to. What did they know about being in love with your best friend who happens...hey, wait a minute. Craig and Eric! Why was Drake so slow on the uptake, why hadn't he thought about this before? He could've saved himself a lot of stupid ideas if he'd just...yeah, he'd admit it, he was an idiot sometimes.

So, with a sigh, he looked down at his feet, sunk slightly into the soil of the garden, leaves from the plants tickling at his sneakers. Craig and Eric stayed looking at him, knowing he was about to speak. The redhead looked up and pulled himself so he was sitting on the railing, one leg pulled up to him and the other swinging childishly back and forth.

"How do you two do it?" he asked, an almost helpless tone to his voice.

"What do you mean?" Craig asked. "Is this about you and Josh? We noticed you two were fighting again."

Drake couldn't believe he was telling _Craig and Eric_ about his problems with Josh. But, who better to go to than someone who has been there before? "Yeah, we—we kinda got into another argument."

"Everything alright?" Eric asked. Both the nerds had nervous, confused tones to their voices, as if they weren't totally sure just yet if Drake was going to stay, or just ditch them after a few minutes.

"No," Drake groaned out, hitting his head into the pole he was resting against. "Josh loves Mindy. They're gonna go off to college without me and get married and have evil, twisted, smart ass babies and—"

"Drake, Drake, stop for a minute!" Craig interrupted and Drake looked over at him, his mouth still open mid-word. "Sorry, but you need to back up. What's so bad about Josh loving Mindy?"

"What's so bad? What's so bad? Everything is so bad, that's what's so bad! Josh loves _Mindy_! Mindy Crenshaw!"

"They've been dating a long time now, Drake. I thought you were happy that Josh had someone he liked so much," Eric said and Drake paused. He had said that before. She made Josh happy and that was why she was still alive and with Josh. But, it was getting harder to bear now.

"Yeah, I know but..." Drake said, wanting to stop, but now that he was talking, he couldn't. "I didn't mind until Mindy came between me and Josh. Josh is _my_ best friend and my...I don't even know what the fuck he is anymore. My brother, my best friends, my boyfriend, my lover? Who the fuck knows anymore, all I know is Mindy is taking over."

"I knew it!" Craig said and Drake gave him a confused look. A little awkwardly, Craig said, "We were always wondering whether you and Josh were together. Guess we know now."

"Yeah, well, we're not. He's with Mindy and that's how it's gonna stay."

"How do you know that?" Eric said leaning forward onto his elbows.

"Because he told Mindy he loved her. And our parents have been trying to break us up, so he's gonna listen to them. It's Josh, he can't go against what grown-ups say."

"Drake, you want Josh, right? Want him for yourself?" Eric said thoughtfully and Drake nodded. "And he only wants Mindy?" Drake looked down for a moment in thought, then shrugged. "Well, just prove to him that he should have you instead of Mindy." Eric said it like it was the obvious answer.

"How do I do that?"

"You know Josh, what would get him to pick you over Mindy?" Craig asked and Drake looked up at the night sky to think. Mindy was always competing with him and that's what always caused them to break up. But, that was also what brought them together, so that may not work. Mindy was smart, but Drake could never make himself that smart in enough time.

"Well, how did you guys get together? You musta had some tough times."

"Yeah, but there weren't girls in our way," Eric said quietly and Drake had to bite his lip in embarrassment.

"Well, how did you guys get together? I mean, something had to have happened that just...I don't know, clicked?" Drake snapped his fingers for emphasis. He had an almost desperate look on his face as he looked at the nerds. Upon seeing this look, Craig looked away in thought.

"Well," he said thoughtfully, "there wasn't really a true, one moment, exactly. I don't know, I kinda always knew it was there, that there was something more. But, when Eric said he loved Michelle at the Academic Bowl...well, I knew then it was real. Why, when did you?" Drake almost scoffed and said he'd never tell them. But, there was something behind both of their eyes as he looked at them. Trust, maybe? He couldn't say, but whatever it was made him decide it was alright to tell them.

"I guess it's the same with me. I can't say I didn't always love Josh. I mean, as goofy and geeky as he was when I first met him, he was my brother, you know? He saved me from that fight from Buck and...man, Josh has just taught me so much! The whole thing with him ditching me for Jerry back then and when he got me out of all those tight spots. I've always loved him, and I've never stopped. I know I never will."

"Good, Drake, go with that. You'll never stop loving him. Do you think Mindy could say the same thing?" Eric asked and Drake paused. He wasn't sure about Mindy suddenly. Since he heard Josh say...those words to Mindy, he couldn't think of anything but that Josh was gone. But, people could stop loving each other. Mindy could stop, Drake couldn't.

"Alright Drake, I want you to think about something for me," Eric said and Drake looked at him. He really didn't want to think about anything anymore. Over analyzing things was Josh's thing, not his. But, he nodded anyways. "What has Josh always loved about you?"

"I don't know, my face?" Drake asked, not actually knowing what Josh _always_ loved about him. Sometimes Josh loved his stupid ideas that got them in trouble and other times he hated them. It depended on what was happening.

"You really don't know?" Craig asked, giving Drake the impression he was seriously missing something here. He shook his head, hoping they wouldn't turn this into a quiz show and just _tell_ him. "Drake," Craig said, snapping him out of his thoughts. "Ever since high school started, and you two became brothers, Josh has always loved your spontaneity."

"What? No, he hates it when I do things without thinking," Drake argued.

"No he doesn't. It annoys him how you can be unpredictable sometimes, but he loves that about you all the same. He told us more times than we could count. We thought you knew that already," Eric said and Drake gaped at them. Josh talked about things he loved about Drake? To the nerds? Since they became brothers? Should he be mad about this? He's not mad, so he guesses he doesn't have to be.

"Think about it Drake. You look like you could use some sleep, though."

Eric added a question of his own. "What are you doing out here anyways?"

"I told you, Josh and I got into an argument. So I left."

"Kinda like your dad," Craig said without thinking. Eric smacked him in the back of the head, giving him a 'What the fuck, dumbass?' look which Drake caught as he whipped his head to look at them both.

"What?" he asked them in a hushed tone. When neither of them answered, Drake gritted his teeth and asked, "When did Josh tell you?"

"He didn't," Craig said, earning a glare from Drake. "Really, he didn't. Mindy told us, she overheard you two talking I guess. She thought we should know because she thought you 'needed help because of it'."

"Really? The wackjob thinks _I_need help. Awesome," Drake said sarcastically, getting ready to leave.

"Drake, wait. Is this about your dad? Honestly?" Eric asked, getting up and grabbing Drake's shoulder. With his back to the two, Drake very well could have just left, ignoring them completely. But, he didn't.

"No, and I really wish that people would stop asking me that. My dad leaving me has nothing to do with me wanting to be with Josh, okay? It just doesn't. My dad was a lying, cheating, pansy-ass drunk who couldn't tell the difference between me and a door frame. I've seen him yelling and hitting a door 'cause he thought it was me."

"So he was never really a father figure to you?" Craig asked.

"I have a shrink I go to for this, I don't need you guys giving me the third degree. No, Michael was never a father figure to me, but that does _not_ mean I want to get closer to Josh because I never had a real father before him and Walter came into my life. Is that why _you're _together?"

Craig and Eric visibly jumped at that question. They looked at one another and shook their heads vigorously. "Okay then," Drake said as if that settled it.

"Josh loves you a lot, you know," Craig said after a few minutes, getting up and giving him a clap on the shoulder. "The way he talks about you all the time proves that." He and Eric went inside, leaving Drake with his thoughts on the porch.

He got up a few minutes later and kept thinking about it as he walked. If Josh loved that he was spontaneous and unpredictable, then he would have to throw something at Josh he would never expect.

He ended up almost back where he started from, in Robbie Carmichael's tree house. There were no cars in their driveway, so they must have gone on a weekend trip or something, Drake figured, forgetting that it was Wednesday.

He looked up at one of the high beams and smiled when he saw that their carvings were still there, unnoticed by the nine-year-old. His smile was short lived, however, turned into a saddened scowl. _DP + JN 4Ever _my ass. Drake had insisted they be as cheesetastic as possible and write the 'for' as a number. And people thought Josh was a dork, Josh had said smarmily.

He reached up to run his fingers over the carving, to see if it was really still there. A nail jutting out cut him across the wrist, piercing the skin and earning an "Aw, fuck!" out of Drake's mouth. He brought his wrist into his left hand; it was long, but it wasn't deep.

Not wanting to get blood all over Robbie's fort, Drake climbed down the rope ladder and started in the opposite direction of his house. But, at the end of the street, he looked back at his life-long house. With a sigh, he turned around and went back home; Josh was right, he couldn't run away from his problems forever.

He scaled the side of the house like he had done so many times before and knocked on the window. Josh looked up from his seat on the couch, a textbook lying across his lap. When he saw that it really was Drake outside the window, he smiled, however slightly, he still smiled.

He opened the window to see a sheepishly guilty Drake balancing himself on the side of the garage. "You think you can just come back? Like nothing happened?" Josh asked, his smile vanished already.

"It is my room," Drake said, but Josh just snorted. Drake didn't even bother to try and hide the look of hurt on his face. He knew Josh was about to tell him to find some other place to crash when his eyes fell to the sill. A few drops of blood were there. Josh's eyes traveled up to Drake's wrist then.

"Son of a bitch," he said quickly and stepped aside to let Drake in. This was going to be difficult. Drake tried to open his mouth to tell Josh this wasn't what he thought it was, but Josh wouldn't hear it. "Drake, how could you do something like this? Why this, of all things? You can't—I didn't mean—no, this isn't happening, it just—"

"Josh, stop, please. It isn't happening. Okay? I cut it on a nail, it was an accident. Kay?" Drake said, gripping Josh's shoulders forcefully. Josh looked like he wanted to argue, but he nodded anyway. "I mean it, it was an accident."

"Sit down, Drake," Josh said, taking a hold of Drake's elbows and leading him over to the couch. Parking it next to him, Josh turned to face his best friend. "You wanna tell me what's bugging you?"

Drake was thankful he wasn't crying this time when he said, "I think you know. If thought it was a bad idea, you should've told me."

"If I thought what was a bad idea?"

"The other night at the Point? You're regretting that, right?"

Josh gave him a confused look. At first, Drake thought Josh had completely forgotten what they had done. But, Josh said, "Drake, that's not the only reason. Yes, it's part of the reason, but...no, not what you think."

Drake slumped a little as he asked, "You're gonna make me talk about it, aren't you?" Josh smiled and nodded. Drake groaned, throwing himself back into the arm of the couch. "You start, I'm not good at this," Drake said, looking through his curtain of greasy locks.

"I don't regret it," Josh started and Drake instantly perked up a bit at hearing this. "I don't regret it at all. I just...god Drake, that's just not how I pictured my first time."

Drake slumped, planting his elbows on his knees and hanging his head between his hands. He hadn't meant to do it if it was Josh's first time. True, he'd rather it be him than Mindy, he'd rather anyone than Mindy, but still.

"I didn't mean to make you lose it this way. I didn't know," Drake said remorsefully.

"How many...how much more experienced than me are you?" Josh asked, surprising Drake. They'd never talked about this before, one of the few things they didn't share together.

Taking a deep breath, Drake said carefully, "I wouldn't say much. I've done it...three times now. Yeah, knew you be surprised," Drake smiled smugly at Josh. He knew Josh, and everyone else for that matter, thought he was just fucking every girl he met. "No, I've been with two girls my whole life. I'm not that much of a whore."

"I'm sorry, I should've...should've had more faith in you," Josh said regretfully.

"Don't sweat it. It was Lucy and Carly, that's it," Drake admitted, watching Josh's face as he took this in. A thought came into his mind. "You know, in a way, you were my first, too. I've never been with a guy before."

Josh chuckled and said, "Neither have I." He pushed at Drake's head playfully, messing his hair up. Drake pushed back, having trouble moving the giant boulder Josh called his head. Josh's hair was soft, he thought for the thousandth time. How did it get that soft? Did he use conditioner or was it magical? Drake wouldn't put it past Josh to somehow have magical hair. The thought made him giggle.

"What's so funny?" Josh asked, missing the joke. Drake just shook his head, not really sure of what he was laughing at. Of course, Josh was able to make him stop laughing quick enough. "You know what this means, right?"

"What?"

"I have to choose. I can't keep doing this to Mindy, it's not fair to her."

He bit his lip. "So, what, you're just gonna pick one of us and leave the other in the dust?" Drake asked, his nerves jumping a million miles an hour.

"I can't do much else," Josh said, refusing to meet Drake's eyes.

"Well, who then?"

"I can't choose yet. I have to think about it." Drake worked on keeping his breathing quiet and steady as he nodded and made his way up to his loft bed. He laid down, his back to Josh. So Josh needed to think about his choice. That meant he was considering both options, including Mindy.

He growled low and quiet in his throat. He gave Josh his all for the past four years. Did Mindy ever help Josh get over his nervous twitch or help him write his story on his greatest adventure ever or help him get back at Megan all those times? No, she didn't, Drake did. Granted, Mindy never got Josh trapped in a tree house—wait, that was Megan's fault—or arrested for fake IDs or make him run over Oprah. But, Josh could look back on those things and say he had fun.

Josh had known Drake since the seventh grade, third grade if they counted the fight at the Padres game, and lived with him for all of high school. He didn't meet Mindy till sophomore year and they hated each other for most of it.

What the hell did Josh even _see_ in Mindy? She didn't know how to have fun or joke around and she sure as hell couldn't have wrestling matches with Josh like they did.

Josh climbed up the ladder and set himself on the edge of the bed, like a mother would when her child was sick with a fever. He touched Drake's shoulder lightly, waiting for him to turn over.

Josh gave him a hard kiss on the mouth. There was only lips and Drake's hand on Josh's cheek, but it still did more to Drake than making out with a girl could. Josh pulled back, licking Drake's taste off of his lips and said, "You know I love you right?" Drake smiled and nodded, although there was a nervous twitter in his stomach at what may be coming next. "I do, I love you. But, I need some time. Gimme till Saturday and I'll make my decision then."

Drake bit his lip to keep from commenting and just nodded. He leaned up, about to give Josh a kiss good night, but instead he moved at the last minute and gave the boy a one-armed hug. "I get it. G'night Josh."

Josh swallowed difficultly. "Sweet dreams Parker."

Drake tried to stay away from Josh the next two days. He wasn't in a good position to be near Josh and keep his cool. He knew he'd end up doing something stupid and push Josh to pick Mindy. He couldn't have that, so he stayed away, to be safe.

Just before he went to bed on Thursday, Drake thought, by the look on Josh's face, that he was going to choose Mindy. Just something telling him he was going to lose and Mindy was going to win, just like she always did. "I can't compete with her," he said to himself sadly, his head hanging low.

When he walked past the guestroom from the bathroom to go to bed, he saw Josh was already asleep with Mr. Puff-Puff under his head. Drake walked up to the bed and bent down to kiss him on the mouth. "I love you, too, Josh." He swore as he walked away he saw Josh smile, just a little. Must be having a good dream, Drake thought, as he closed the door quietly behind him.

Friday night was the worst, however. Josh would choose in a matter of hours and Drake was _squirming_ with anticipation. He couldn't hold it in much longer, he could tell. He didn't eat much at dinner and his parents were getting worried, not that he cared. He was furious with them still for all that they had been doing to them. He excused himself early to run upstairs and watch old _Jilligan's Aisle_ reruns. That's where he was when Josh came in at around ten o'clock, wearing blue pajamas and a red blanket over his shoulders.

"Drake," Josh said a little while later, wanting an answer to the question that had been bugging him for days now. He picked up the remote to turn off the TV. "The other day, you remember what you said when we were passing notes in class?"

"Um...I called you a hippo?" Drake said, not sure of which part Josh meant.

"No, you said you weren't gay."

"Yeah, I know that, I'm not. I would've told you if I was," Drake said, confused as to where this conversation might be going. "I'm straight, same as you."

"But, you can't be, neither of us can be."

"What do you mean? Why not?" Drake asked as if Josh had just told him it couldn't snow later that day.

"Because...because we—well, we—if you're straight, how come...I'm lost," Josh babbled as he pulled his feet under the blanket for more warmth. He breathed in through his nose and continued, "Drake, I don't get it, you love girls, so you can't be gay. But, what are you doing now then?"

"Sitting on the couch, chatting with you?" Drake suggested.

"Yeah, but...Drake, you have to be something, everyone is."

"Well what are you then?" Drake asked with genuine curiosity.

"I guess bi."

"Why do you say that?" Drake asked, starting to sound like he was challenging Josh.

"Because I like girls, but I'm also attracted to guys," Josh said sounding like this was the first time he ever thought about this before.

"Okay, there you go then."

"What? You're bi?"

"No, you just said you are. I already told you I'm straight and you're just not accepting that for some reason."

"The reason is it's impossible, Drake. If you're straight, you're only attracted to girls—"

"Right, which I am."

"I am not a girl Drake!" Josh said, suddenly annoyed. He got even more annoyed when Drake actually had the nerve to start _giggling_. "What's so funny?" Josh asked indignantly.

"I know, very well, you're not a girl, thank you. You don't need to yell at me."

"Yes I do, you're not making any sense. You say you're straight, but you're with me and there is nothing straight about a guy fucking with his brother."

"You know you're kinda cute when you swear? It's kind of a turn on," Drake said deviously, moving in closer to Josh. He put an arm around Josh shoulders, running his hands through his silky hair; it felt almost feathery in his fingers. He liked that, but the fact that Josh was starting to flush and squirm under Drake's touch had to be the hottest thing Drake had ever seen.

"Right there Drake, that's not something a straight person would say!"

Drake rolled his eyes, getting tired of this conversation. Josh always had to over analyze everything. His love for Mindy, his sexuality, what he was going to eat that day, everything. Couldn't the guy just go with the flow for once? "Josh, you're smart, you do good in English—"

"Well," Josh said without thinking.

"Well? Never mind, I'm trying to talk here. Don't you remember the rule that there's an exception to every rule?"

"Yeah, I know that. So what?"

"So, it works here, too. I love girls, they are awesome and I will always love girls. I have never been attracted to a guy before, except Devon Malone, but he's a rock star, he doesn't count. So, I'm straight and attracted to girls, that's the rule for me. But, you're different. You're my exception."

"You can do that?" Josh asked, his voice happy and surprised. Drake hid a smirk as he kissed Josh teasingly on the corner of his mouth. He could feel Josh under him trying so hard to fight the force that was Drake. It wasn't working very well.

"Of course we can do that. I'm Drake, remember. We can do whatever the hell we want." Josh just smiled. Drake's logic never failed him once, Josh found it best to just not question it, ever.

Drake was just pushing Josh into the couch and starting to tug on his shirt with Josh's tongue exploring his molars when Josh pulled back. Drake furrowed his brows in confusion and tried to connect their lips again, only to have Josh pull back further.

All Josh did was ruffle Drake's hair, in the way he knew Drake hated, and smiled at him. "Good night Drake, see you in the morning," he said with the slightest of smirks on his face and left the room. What a tease!

Drake waited to hear the door close before he got up to go to the bathroom. He was a tease, not Josh. That was his territory and he sure as hell was not pleased with Josh stealing his thunder. And now, if he didn't do something fast, he was going to be in pain all night. So, a cold shower it was.

As he toweled himself off, he thought back to Craig and Eric's talk with him. So Josh liked his spontaneity, huh? Well, he'll just haveto give Josh some spontaneous Drake soon, wouldn't he? Drake was Drake, he could do that no problem.


	6. Rockin in the Free World

_**Rockin in the Free World**_

_There's a lot of people sayin'  
we'd be better off dead  
Don't feel like Satan,  
but I am to them  
So I try to forget it,  
any way I can._

_Keep on rockin' in the free world,  
Keep on rockin' in the free world_

* * *

The cold wind blew through the open window. The curtains jumped in and out of the sill with each gust of wind. Like clockwork, the wind blew, the curtains moved, and Drake shivered. Whether it was from the cold or nerves or a mixture of both, Drake couldn't say. All he knew was tonight was the night that Josh said he would tell Drake what was going to happen between them or between Josh and Mindy. While Josh had said he loved him, Drake was still very nervous that Josh was going to choose Mindy instead of him. It was the way Josh had said it. _You know I love you, right?_ That was the way you'd say it to your brother or your best friend, not the way Drake wanted it.

Drake knew what would happen if Josh chose Mindy. Walter and Audrey would love Josh again and forgive him, saying they knew he loved Mindy and he, Drake, was only experimenting. They'd hug him and kiss him and make it seem like the last week hadn't happened. But the fact was that it did happen and Drake would never take it back. His parents wanted him to take this, and probably everything he and Josh had done together, back, but Drake wouldn't. Take back every look, every kiss, every stolen glance at family gatherings, every hair ruffle? No way, that was just not going to work out.

Then, Josh and Mindy would head off to college together come September. Mindy had already chosen Harvard to be a lawyer and Josh had recently told the family, much to Drake's hurt and dismay, that he was going to CUNY School of Law. So he and Mindy would both end up going to college thousands and thousands of miles away from Drake, who would be going to LA soon once he finishes school to work for Spin City Records. Then, after law school is over, Josh and Mindy would get married and Drake would only find out when Josh mails him pictures months later and they'll start their own family, leaving the screw up out of their children's lives as much as possible.

And that was just how things were going to be. Drake's lucky star had finally burnt out when Mindy came into Josh's life, but he just didn't notice until now. Drake hated dealing with loss, and dealing with the loss of the man he loves? No one could ever get over that.

Quickly, Drake sat up in bed, his covers falling off his body and making him shiver even more. He looked over at the closed door, knowing Josh was sleeping soundly in the guestroom.

Drake got up, wrapping the blanket tightly around his shoulder and padded quietly down the hallway. Every time he stepped on a loose floorboard he stopped, holding his breath, thinking Mom or Walter had heard. But, they didn't and he kept walking until he was standing outside of the room. The door was open and Drake could clearly see Josh sleeping. He looked so beautiful and peaceful, all his muscles loose and his mouth open slightly, breathing deeply. Drake didn't want to disturb the beautiful sight, but...he had to know. It was three hours into the deadline day, Josh had to tell him.

Drake padded across the freezing floor to the bed, his blanket stretched across his shoulders like a cape. He knelt down in front of Josh and gently shook his shoulder. Josh stuttered awake with a start, his eyes not focusing on anything yet. When he saw that it was Drake who woke him up, he blinked a few times and said, "Hey Drake," in a nonchalant, unJoshish way. And he stopped.

Josh was alright. He wasn't freaking out or nervous or anything Drake had come to think of as Josh. He was calm, cool, and collected, letting a feeling of tranquillity wash over Drake as well. He only paused a moment to mentally smack himself for actually knowing what tranquillity meant. "Hey," he said back while climbing onto the foot of the bed and crossing his legs Indian-style. "So what's up?"

"I was sleeping," Josh said irritably, but he was smiling anyway. He rubbed his eyes as he sat up to look at Drake better. "But, I guess I can spare you my anger for waking me up."

"It's 'cause I'm cute, right?" Drake asked, jutting his chin out. Josh laughed and said, "Something like that." Drake's smile wasn't the arrogant one it should be, however. Josh cocked his head to the side, saying, "Something wrong?" Drake shook his head. "Yes there is. Come on, tell me."

Drake took a steadying breath and said, "I can't take it anymore Josh. I need to know. M-me, or Mindy?" When Josh didn't answer for a few minutes, Drake took that as a sign saying Josh really did choose Mindy. With a half choked out sob, Drake stood and started to head for the door. "Okay," he said just before he touched the doorknob, "I-I get it. She's what's best for you and I just want you to be happy, so...I'll just—"

"I broke up with Mindy the other day," Josh said, shifting in his bed to look at Drake. Incredulously, Drake turned to face Josh and whispered, "What?" not believing it yet.

"I broke up with Mindy," Josh said again. With an ecstatic whoop, Drake flung himself onto Josh and kissed his all over his cheeks and jaw.

"You're serious?" Drake asked and Josh nodded. Drake could've cried with happiness. Josh chose him, _him_, over Mindy! Josh loved him more than Mindy! As he showered Josh's face and neck with kisses, Drake couldn't think of a time when he felt happier.

However, pictures of their parents suddenly flooded through his mind. They were angry, they were yelling, they were trying to split them up, they were sabotaging their own sons' happiness. And Drake stopped.

"I can't stay here," he decided suddenly, but with such finality he knew he wouldn't be dissuaded for anything. He started to get up and leave for his bedroom.

"What do you mean?" Josh asked quickly, pulling his covers off of him and following Drake out the door.

"I mean exactly what I said. I can't stay here, I gotta get out of here, now."

"What? Why?" Josh asked, his voice rising slightly with nerves.

"Mom and Dad already hate me because I've never been the perfect son they wanted. Then, Dad's mad 'cause I turned you gay, and then when they find out you're dumping Mindy for me, they'll be furious. I gotta leave."

"Drake, you can't _turn_ somebody gay, they are or they aren't."

"Whatever, Dad still hates me. I don't wanna face them anymore, and I can't stand what they're trying to do. I don't know what you're feeling, but it's tearing me apart and if I don't get out soon I'm gonna explode!" Drake was already stuffing clothes into a duffel bag and stuffing all his guitar picks into a little box.

"So you're just gonna leave? Quit school and never talk to us again?"

"Of course not, I'll still talk to you," Drake said and Josh could tell he wasn't even listening to what Josh just said. "I could move up to LA like I said I would after school anyway. Hook up with Alan Krim there and get my record deal a few months early. No big deal," he said, picking up his guitar and putting it in its case and locking it.

"No!" Josh said, walking over to the other boy. "How can you be so selfish? I just tell you that I chose you over the girl I possibly love and you say you're gonna just up and leave?"

Drake only heard that Josh still may love Mindy, though. He stared, mouth agape, at Josh, not wanting to believe it. This was usually the time the two of them would start yelling at each other, which would turn into yet another wrestling match between the two. But Drake just didn't have the strength for any of that anymore.

He walked over to the couch, sitting as close to the arm, and as far away from Josh, as possible, curling himself into a ball. He just wanted to disappear into the cushions and never have to come back out. He runs his fingers through his hair and keeps them there, wanting to just tug and rip every single strand out by their roots.

He didn't want Josh to see that his shoulders were shaking uncontrollably or hear that he was about to sob any second now. He'd done enough of that already in the past few days. But Josh was a smart kid—man actually, as he was already eighteen—and he could put two and two together. Or, he could see at least. He walked over to his brother and put an arm over the rising and falling arms.

"Drake...Drake come on, what's wrong? You can talk to me, tell me what's bugging you," Josh said, placing kisses on Drake's salty cheeks. Drake just shook his head to say he didn't want to talk. "Were you hoping I would choose Mindy?" Josh whispered suddenly, feeling as if Drake thought he made the wrong choice.

"No, of course not! But...you still—you said—do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Love her? You told her you loved her and said you might love her. Do you?" Drake asked, nearly begging Josh to say he never would even think about loving Mindy.

Josh sighed and pulled his arm off Drake. Drake felt instantly cold and had to pull his blankets tighter around him as he waited for Josh to speak. "I think I could love Mindy," Josh said and Drake let out a strangled sob. He'd tried to keep it in, but Josh's words cut through him worse than a razor blade and twice as deep. "But I can't love Mindy when I love you," Josh said and Drake finally looked up.

"What?" he croaked at the taller man sitting next to him. Josh gave him a smirk that said, "You heard me."

"You're serious? You'd rather have me over a smart, cute, funny, slightly psychotic girl?"

Josh laughed and said, "Any day. Now, are you gonna stay home?"

"No," Drake said without any hesitation and Josh looked dumbstruck. "Josh, I still have to leave. I don't want Mom and Dad doing this to me anymore. Trying to take my boyfriend away from me? No, nuh uh, not happening." Josh suddenly grinned that stupid geeky smile of his, instantly stopping Drake in his tracks. "What?"

"You called me your boyfriend," Josh said teasingly. Drake went rigid for a moment before regaining his compossure and laughing at Josh. He was such a silly brother sometimes. Like now, he was hearing things that would never be spoken; maybe he should go see Dr. Stein or some dude who helps you when you're hallucinating.

"No I didn't," Drake said as if Josh was crazy. "Call you—no, I said—you're—drugs are bad for you Josh," he finished suddenly, trying to sound like the obnoxious older brother who thought he knew everything, yet was actually dumber than a sack of potatoes. "Josh, you really need to get help for your problem, they're making you crazy."

Josh was still grinning like a flippin moron. He sprung up off the floor and started to poke Drake mercilessly in his sides, the one place he knew made Drake squeal like a piglet. "You called me your boyfriend! You said boyfriend, you said boyfriend! Drake said boyfriend! Drake has a boyfriend!" he sang while dancing around Drake.

"Shut up, I did not!" Drake said, whacking Josh on the arm whenever he passed. "I would never say...that word. No, why would I? Boyf—that's ridiculous, totally ridiculous. I don't know—you, my dear boy, are crazy."

"You said it, I don't care if you try to deny it, you said it!" Josh stopped dancing around the couch and the boy and bent down, sticking his face right into Drake's. His eyes became huge and Drake blinked at the _very_ unattractive way his brother was looking at him. "Admit it," Josh whispered softly.

"Never," Drake snarled good naturedly. Josh pouted and kissed him quickly. Drake shook his head, pursing his lips together. Josh made his pout poutier and moved his hands down to Drake's bony ass, pulling him close so their hips knocked together. Drake only just held in a whimper while shaking his head again. It was getting too much to handle, however, when Josh's thumbs started running circles around his cheeks, sending endless shivers up and down his back. Josh leaned forward so Drake fell over the arm of the couch, his legs pushing Josh further on top of him. _Aw shit_, he thought. Josh was gonna make him cave.

Josh's wet tongue rolled slow circles across Drake's neck and he was shivering visibly now. He was about to lose it, he could tell. Josh nibbled on his left ear tenderly, then whispered devilishly, "Come on Drake, admit it." Right then, Drake would've sworn it was Josh who was related to Megan and not Drake.

"Okay, okay, I give! You're my boyfriend, I called you my boyfriend," Josh climbed off of him, smiling satisfied. "But I'm still leaving!" he said, making sure Josh knew this still wasn't changing anything.

He sighed. "Fine," Josh said. "When do we leave, then?"

"We?"

"Yeah, I'm coming with you of course. I don't want Mom and Dad doing this to me, either. If you can't be with the one you love, why love at all, right?"

Drake raised an eyebrow and said, "Josh? It's 'if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.' And I'd rather not have that happen, since that's Mindy and not me."

"Oh whatever, same difference!" Drake shook his head. Josh really knew nothing about music sometimes. "But it doesn't matter, I'm still going with you. I am your manager, after all."

Drake smiled and nodded. "We gotta leave soon, though. The sooner the better."

"What's wrong with now?" Josh asked and Drake grinned full out now. He was really loving this new spontaneous Josh. He didn't answer, but there was no need, Josh was already packing his things and stuffing all his money into his pockets.

"What about school?" Drake asked, knowing too well that Josh wouldn't just drop out when there was only days left before they graduate.

"We can stay somewhere this week, then find a place after we graduate," Josh said easily as if this whole moving thing was his idea. "I'll set up an interview for you and Spin City Records for Monday."

"Yeah, that'd be awesome," Drake said, still trying to wrap his head around everything.

Drake pulled on a jacket and Josh pulled their blankets off their beds. He folded their clothes neatly and put them in some duffel bags and suitcases. He brought his laptop case and made sure they both had their cell phones. They both started to count their money out, glad they had enough for a place to crash for a while. Finally, he said they were all ready.

As quietly as they could, the boys padded down the stairs, Drake going to the kitchen to steal some food from the fridge and Josh going to the garage for some beers and soda. Then, he and Drake both grabbed their car keys off the key tree and left, no notes or anything. They'd call their parents later and explain. But, they just needed to get out and let the adults adjust first.

Josh had his hand on the doorknob when he turned around and said, "You sure about this?"

Drake gulped. "Only if you are," he said. He and Josh stared at one another for a few long moments, willing the other to say something so they'd know everything is gonna be okay. Finally, Josh nodded and stepped out onto the porch, Drake in tow.

Josh started the car up, leaving the headlights off until they made it to the stop sign at the end of the street. While idling at the stop sign, the two of them looked back at their house one last time, where they were leaving all their memories and forgotten dreams. Drake didn't like to think about that, so he turned back around and slouched a little in his seat.

Josh sighed heavily as they started to move again. "Hey man," Drake said quietly, placing his hand softly on Josh's knee, "it's gonna be okay."

"I know, I just..." Josh trailed off. Drake looked out his window, knowing Josh was trying to say he never ran away before.

"S'okay Josh, every kid runs away at some point. We'll be fine," Drake said comfortingly and Josh nodded. He just hoped Drake was right.

After a few more minutes of silence, Drake leaned over and pecked Josh on the cheek. "Would you trust me, just this once?" he joked and Josh glared at him for a moment.

"What have I told you about doing that while I'm driving?" Drake put on his cutest innocent face he could muster and shrugged. Josh rolled his eyes at the boy, muttering to himself about annoying, sexy stepbrothers.

"Just trust me. Everything is gonna be great," Drake said, stretching his arms out so his back cracked satisfyingly. Josh looked over at him and smiled. He nodded at him before turning back to face the road. Fine, Drake wins, as usual; everything is gonna be fine, because Drake is here to make everything better.


End file.
